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- THE PURPOSE OF THIS LETTER is to fill a need for sharing, connecting, supporting and educating the women who are in recovery from a gambling addiction.
- HISTORY OF GA WOMEN IN ARIZONA
Nine years ago, only a small number of women attended the GA meetings in AZ and no one stayed. Society accepted the picture of the macho male gambler but the women were perceived differently. They were portrayed as mature, nurturing mothers, loving daughters and responsible homemakers. The idea of a woman compulsive gambler simply did not exist. The men did not know what to do with the women who came to the meetings. Some were literally chased away after being "hit on" or intimidated by the men and made to feel "less than." The women were new to the GA program and their gambling was different. They were told that bingo, slots, video poker, and the lotteries were not real gambling.
- So a women’s group was started seven years ago in a small apartment, and — slowly—pain-filled, confused women came and stayed because they felt comfortable, and the members validated their feelings. They found hope and understanding while supporting each other, and a spiritual energy filled the meeting rooms. Working on their recovery, they became stronger, improved their self-images, learned to forgive themselves and became responsible through the program. They were encouraged to attend other meetings, and the Phoenix area now has over 60 recovering female gamblers with another 20 or more around the state. The women are making a difference. We learned that we are mature, nurturing, and responsible, and we have choices in our lives. Remember---the next time a newcomer enters our rooms, introduce yourselves, exchange phone numbers and help her to feel comfortable....................Marilyn Lancelot
DIFFERENCES IN TYPES OF GAMBLERS: WHY WOMEN NEED TO KNOW
Finally, there is a name attached to the way most women gamble: professionals call us escape or "late-on-set" gamblers. For us, gambling was not a problem until factors we wanted to escape from appeared; we play "luck" games e.g. bingo, lottery, slot or video poker machines; we gambled first as recreation then as escape from problems. All coping skills were replaced with the anesthetizing quality of gambling. Within six months to three+ years, most of us are entering the desperation or hopeless phase of the disease.
Contrast this to the action or "early-on-set" gambler: mostly men who bet on "skill" games e.g. poker, sports, horses, etc.; gambling may have been a problem for 10-30 years before they sought help. They gambled for action as well as escape.
Learning about the differences can aide in our recovery:
It helps explain why some of the things in the GA Combo book do not seem to apply to us. It was written 40 years ago by male action gamblers for themselves. It fit them perfectly! But most of us have been mature and responsible most of our lives - our dream world is mostly about escape.
It helps explain why the action gambler in male dominated rooms have a hard time understanding the escape gambler. GA described almost everyone who came in the room for 35 years. But the acceptability of gambling for women accompanied by the accessibility of casinos has created an epidemic of escape gamblers.
It helps women action gamblers understand why everything they hear about "women gamblers" doesn’t seem to apply ! Even though the GA literature will apply more to them, they also benefit from the women preferred meeting where it is easier to share about sensitive women’s issues.
- Many issues of "Principles over Personalities" have their roots in misunderstandings that lead back to the fact that there really are differences in types of gamblers. The more we know, the better chance we have of being in recovery instead of just abstaining from gambling. ---------------- Paula Burns
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EMPTY TOOL BOX NOT MUCH HELP On March 6, 1999, I finally could say, "My first meeting after my last bet was one year ago tonight." I had attended my first GA meeting on August 1, 1996. Two kinds of people seem to make up our membership: those who attended their 1st meeting and started accumulating unbroken abstinence—one day at a time, and those of us who tested the wisdom on pg. 13 of the Combo Book. I proved over and over that a compulsive gambler can never gamble normally again. Except for 9 Months and 1 Year, I hit all the early milestones we note in our program multiple times! If I had collected a key chain every time, I’d have at least five yellow ones, four denoting 60 Days ... you get the idea. However, I did do one thing right my first 1½ years in the program; I kept going to meetings. People said, "Bring the body; the mind will follow." And on some level, I knew GA could save the life I was destroying. I can’t remember when I didn’t gamble in one form or another. My skills at childhood games prevented me from learning early how costly and painful gambling can be. I excelled at marbles and pitching pennies. Later on, I was good at my favorite dice and card games, until I crossed that invisible line our book talks about. I don’t know when I crossed the line; I guess that’s why they say it’s invisible. On the side of the line I inhabit now, it doesn’t matter how good I used to be at my games of chance or skill. If I start, I can’t stop. When I started losing at acey-deucy and blackjack, I chased my losses until I tapped out. My disastrous affair with slot machines followed the same scenario, multiplied exponentially! If I won, it was never enough. If I lost, I kept gambling until the money ran out. In between gambling episodes, I agonized about how to cover the obligations I’d blown off to gamble. And I schemed to get hold of more money, so I could gamble again. I violated principles regarding honesty and truth ingrained in me from childhood. Stunts I pulled with financial institutions could have sent me to prison. I weaseled money out of friends and family with every convoluted story I could come up with. When I had no alternative, I even told the truth to get a bailout. I’m very grateful I didn’t have a job where I could have embezzled funds; given the opportunity, I would have. Already financially bankrupt, I was approaching spiritual bankruptcy, as well. Through GA, I re-established contact with my Higher Power. At the end of every meeting, we hold hands and say the Serenity Prayer, following it up with, "Keep coming back; it works if you work it!" It is the GA Program—our 12 steps of recovery. Why did I finally celebrate a "birthday" in GA after over 2½ years in the Program? I began working it.
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WIT AND WISDOM
- We can’t control the wind, but we have the power to adjust the sails. Anonymous
- Nobody can make you feel inferior without your consent. ----- Eleanor Roosevelt
- When you hold resentment toward another, you are bound to that person or condition by an emotional link that is stronger than steel. --------- Catherine Ponder
I am not afraid of storms for I am learning how to sail my ship. ----- Louisa May Alcott