CONFERENCE to COUNSELING

On August 18, 1999, I celebrated one year without placing a bet. I struggled some days with the desire to gamble, but for the most part by the time I entered GA for the second time in August of 1998, I was fairly well convinced that I was powerless. I did, however, struggle greatly to gain an understanding of the most important part of the program, working the twelve steps of recovery and the character changes that go with that.

I attended the mini-conference in Windsor, Ontario, the weekend of August 6-8 and my understanding of GA changed in ways that I still can’t find words to explain.

I went with 3 GA friends from my area. The most amazing part of the whole trip to me was that I made 2 new friends who live within 10 miles of me, and I would never have met them if we had not traveled together.

The unity of the GA program was front and center the entire weekend of the conference. We met people from as far away as Newfoundland, and people from Detroit, Cincinnati and various parts of Canada. And everyone was a friend, once you had met. How we all connected, as one group for the purpose of working together on our common problem, amazed me. I had never experienced going to a place where I knew nobody and being accepted as part of the group. I will never forget that feeling. Many people had tried to describe what it’s like to attend a conference, but I know now that I never would have understood how great it felt if I hadn’t experienced it for myself.

We attended several workshops over the 3-day period, went to a breakfast and a dinner, got to sit in on a live radio broadcast of a talk show for addictions and recovery, and had an opportunity to speak on the show if we wanted to.

The highlight of the weekend, for me, was a workshop called "Healing The Inner Child." A GA member conducted the workshop, which was based on workshops by John Bradshaw, author of Homecoming and other recovery and self-help books. It is a popular theory that many addicts use their addiction to escape feelings, and this workshop gave us a brief opportunity to see how we had buried feelings to avoid pain. I gained insight into myself that I might never have found on my own, and the experience led to a counseling situation where I can explore the workshop’s topic in greater detail. A conference presents an opportunity to get exposed to many different philosophies and theories, one of which may help you to find your miracle and change your life.

I continue to be a grateful recovering compulsive gambler, One Day At A Time. ................Maureen S., Chicago

HUMILITY-What a Concept!

I wish I still had my high school Latin book; I suspect it would tell me humiliation and humility share the same root word. Strange thought. We’ve probably all experienced the devastation of being humiliated. I know I have; in fact, some of the worst humiliations have come at my own hands. Suffering humiliation. Bad, very bad. Gaining humility. Good, very good.

Humility is one of those character assets we’re taught we will develop if we consistently work a good program. What is humility? Forced to come up with a one-word synonym for humility, I would go with modesty. But the word certainly doesn’t constitute a definition of humility. We’re all familiar with the concept of false modesty. But when we have the pleasure of spending time with a GA sister—or brother—who has truly gained humility, unmistakable sincerity always accompanies every statement, every action.

Humility is "slippery" though! Something an "old-time" GA gentlemen wrote several years ago pretty much sums up the humility quandary. He said something to this effect: "The moment I think I’ve got humility, it’s gone!" If I start patting myself on the back for being so humble, any humility I may have genuinely allowed to develop gets shoved out the window by the pride I’ve taken in my humility!

Years ago, a songwriter expressed it pretty well. "Oh, Lord, it’s hard to be humble when you’re perfect in every way ...." The words imply hard, but not impossible—being perfect in every way would, after all, require humility! It’s an entertaining dichotomy in a song, but what about real life? What’s an industrious, little 12-stepper to do?

I don’t have the answer. I understand just enough about humility to know it’s an illusive quality. We sure can’t acquire it by direct effort! That would require too much thought about a quality that flees when we become aware it’s present. I think the answer—for me anyway—lies on Page 17. "Follow the steps in your daily affairs." If I follow that advice, everything else seems to take care of itself............................ Betty C., Arizona

CLINICAL CORNER

A Healthy Self-ImageBy the time many women gamblers enter recovery they hardly recognize themselves when they look in the mirror. They report feelings of extreme worthlessness and low self-esteem. If a woman did not already have a poor opinion of herself before gambling, she now feels ashamed of her actions, both compulsive gambling behavior and related acts such as lying and stealing. A major question in recovery becomes "how do I build or re-build a healthy self-image?"

Gamblers Anonymous provides an excellent tool for the recovering gambler to use in monitoring her feelings, behaviors, and progress on a daily basis. This "Daily Inventory Of My Behavior" allows the recovering woman to take note of both positive and negative aspects of her feelings and behaviors. Keeping a Daily Inventory increases awareness of strengths and identifies areas where the recovering gambler may need to set goals for behavior change.

A helpful technique for building a positive self-image is the use of affirmations or positive statements about oneself, which can be repeated several times each day at specified times such as before each meal or upon awakening or before retiring for the night. The recovering woman may select two or three items checked on the positive checklist of the Daily Inventory for incorporation into daily affirmations. These affirmations need to be stated in sentences with specific details. For example, a specific affirmation such as "I show my helpfulness to others by making coffee at meetings and donating my time to the homeless shelter" has a more powerful impact than a general statement such as "I am helpful to others."

At the same time, the woman in recovery may select one or two items checked on the negative checklist of the Daily Inventory and set goals for behavior change in these areas. It is very important that the recovering gambler set manageable goals and not try to make all changes at once. "Easy does it" applies here. Setting goals in problem areas and then keeping promises to oneself by following through and taking the necessary steps to goal attainment represents responsible behavior--the opposite of the irresponsible, promise-breaking behavior so characteristic of the compulsive gambler in action. ("I am only going to gamble with X amount of money, I am only going to gamble for X number of hours, etc.,.etc.,etc.). Developing the habit of setting manageable and responsible goals and reaching them greatly enhances a positive self-image.

As the recovering gambler continues to use the Daily Inventory Of My Behavior, her feelings about herself are likely to shift from worthlessness and self-hate to acceptance, hopefulness, and even self-appreciation. Gradually, she builds a realistic and balanced self-image, which includes a recognition of her strengths and a confidence that she can modify her behavior in areas where she discovers a need to make changes.
..............................Katherine K. Wilson, Ph.D., NCGC

Several weeks ago a Frasier re-run provided one of your newsletter editors with a hearty laugh. As the pompous psychologist siblings, Doctors Frasier and Niles Crane, concluded a conversation, Frasier requested that Niles accompany him on some errand. Niles replied, "No, I can’t go with you, Frasier. It would make me late for my group! The last time I was late, when I got there the compulsive gamblers were betting the passive-aggressives that they couldn’t make the over-eaters cry."