Volume No. III, Issue No.4 April 2001
SISTE
RS
AGAIN
He said, "To bail my mother out of jail."
I said, "You'd better come tell me everything." So my nephew and my sister's friend came to my house. The story they had to tell was something out of a movie. When they told me my sister had embezzled some $300,000 and gambled it all away, I thought, "Oh yeah, what kind of story is that? A thief is a thief."
The worst part was, how dare she come into my town where I had lived some 30 plus years, and do this to me and my family?
I think, for a very long time, I actually hated my sister. Then it went to, "I like her but don't respect her or trust her." Even while she was in prison, there was no love lost.
And to make matters worse, the day she was sentenced, I left for Maine to settle our mother's estate. So I thought, "Well, she got out of this one too."
For years, I think I carried this hate and shame, that she had done this to me and the rest of the family. It wasn't until I started reading her Newsletters, that I really got an understanding for what a gambler goes through. I know we're closer now than we have been in many years.
- I thank God for the chance to read the many letters from the Newsletter, as they have really helped me to understand my sister; now I can say, "I love you, Marilyn."................Your sister, Maxine K., AZ
Thank you for the letter, Maxine and I love you too.......Marilyn
I
received WHW yesterday. It seems your Newsletter comes when I'm on the edge
and thoughts of gambling are ever present.
The company where I've worked for the last 21 months has downsized and closed the office I was running. I received a phone call Tuesday morning and was told the office was closed as of this day, and my services were terminated.
I have been in GA for over 4 years and have had great difficulty staying abstinent. I had a 1-year anniversary last May, and within a few weeks I went to gamble. It's now 6 months and the sudden urges have become fleeting thoughts.
I have worked very hard with my therapist and have made many changes; but they say given "the right set of circumstances," this disease will come out in full force and once again take over.
I know I did the right thing by calling my therapist on Tuesday, and he made time to see me on Wednesday. I've been getting phone calls from friends and family; the support has been incredible.
I have, since starting in GA, found the Serenity Prayer to have a calming effect on me. I must have recited it 30 to 40 times over the last 3 days. I have kept my faith in my Higher Power, and reading your Newsletter reminded me of the power this disease has.
- As Diane D. wrote, "I can see that what happened next always happens next." (See WHW Jan 01) Thank you, Diane, for sharing your thoughts; it's made a difference for me.
- Thanks to you, Marilyn and Betty, and all my GA sisters for sharing your thoughts so others know they are not alone. We never know when a word or a phrase will help someone else to a better understanding. Helene G., NY
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- PS: I was going to rewrite this letter, thinking it's been written in haste and you probably won't be able to read my writing; but if I put it down I know I might not ever rewrite it. So here it is; even if you can't print it, it made a big difference to me having been able to write it, address an envelope and mail it. One more step in the right direction.
One
surefire way to set ourselves up for a fall is to anticipate outcomes.
You know the kind of thing I mean. You think you've found the perfect gift for your 'secret pal' at church. She'll absolutely rave about how wonderful it is. When the time comes, she displays only an average amount of pleasure and says, "Isn't that pretty?" as she shows it to the other gals. The outcome you had anticipated didn't materialize, and you took the fall you had set yourself up for.
I had no idea how much I anticipated outcomes until I began working Step
9. Thank heavens the literature I had studied warned me that some folks I
tried to make amends to just wouldn't want any part of me! At least I wasn't
completely shocked when my attempt at amends was nipped in the bud by one
former friend. Elizabeth more or less told me to take a long walk off a
short pier. I never even got a chance to begin the apology speech I had
labored over. I anticipated that my sincerity would result in understanding
forgiveness, of course. The outcome turned out to be that the sound of my
voice saying "hello" served to launch her declaration that she never wanted
to talk to me again.
Something good came out of it though. I became inspired to work at not anticipating outcomes!
Betty C. AZ
DOING IT TOGETHER - PART II
In
the March Issue 01 WHW Sharon W. shared why she decided she needed to work
the Recovery Steps; she also talked a little bit about the effect beginning
to work the program fully had on her life. This month she shares some of the
rewarding aftermath of her 1st trip through the Steps.
WORKING THE STEPS
Our Gamblers Anonymous literature tells us we need to; our brothers and
sisters tell us it works; we see and hear the difference working the program
makes in lives. But how? With whom?
Working the steps with a study group was a wonderful experience for me. First of all, the group really bonded. When I first joined the group, I was not sure I would want "them" to know too much about "me." We may not have shared every single secret with each other, but we shared A LOT and we CARED big time!
In the greater Portland area, several GA meetings are beginning to see a much larger percentage of women to men; a couple of meetings have 40 to 60% on a regular basis. As a woman member who has been around awhile, I frequently was asked to be a sponsor. Or I was asked general questions such as "How do I work the steps and with whom?"
Listening to the ladies, I learned that not all of them "wanting recovery" were newcomers. Since I had been personally involved in step study groups and knew it worked for me, I put the word out that if enough ladies were interested in joining a group, I would lead it.
In January, 2000 we started a Women's Step Group. We meet every other Sunday for 2 hours. We are working a program modeled after an AA 12 Step Group for a treatment center, but written for the compulsive gambler. The literature is not GA approved, so our step group is not a sanctioned GA meeting. All members of our group, however, are compulsive gamblers.
The group started with 12 ladies. A year after we began, we still have 10 members. We are just about finished with Step 4. The guide for the program material suggested weekly meetings for 18 weeks. This allowed extra weeks for some steps — in particular Step 4. I don't think the program writer had in mind that 10 ladies might work this program together!!
Our particular group is not concerned about how long it takes us to finish. Early on, we decided we would not move on to another Step until everyone in the group is ready. Sometimes the conversations get a bit off track but we "talk recovery."
Before we started the 1st Step, we had a meeting to discuss how we would run this group. We made basic decisions such as time, place and how often. We made commitments to each other and to ourselves. The format was decided by the group. This is "OUR GROUP."
- We laugh, we cry, we fret; we ask questions, we share with each other, we are not afraid to say what we think; we notice when someone is "getting it." We are making great friends! We, THE WOMEN'S STEP GROUP OF PORTLAND, OREGON, are WORKING THE STEPS TOGETHER! ...............Sharon W., OR