Volume No. V, Issue No.4                                                  April 2003

FREE MONEY

My name is Christine T. I am a compulsive gambler. I began gambling when I had a significant other who was a black jack player. While he played at the $100 table, I didn't make that much money and would never have dreamed of ponying up $5 for 1 bet. He had the money to spend on gambling and liked to do it. To get me out of his hair while he was playing, he would give me $100. He told me to go learn how to play on the $5 table. If I won, I got to keep the winnings; if I lost … well, it wasn't my money to begin with.

I thought this was great! FREE MONEY. After a few years, we broke up. At first I wouldn't gamble with my "own" money, but I missed the "action" and the casino atmosphere; so I went back on my own. I was hooked.

From here on out, my story is the same one many women tell. My bets got bigger, and my desperation grew greater. I was also drinking heavily at this time, so I quit my legitimate job and started working as an "exotic dancer." I have a college degree, but at that point I was not capable of working in any other capacity.

I drank all day and gambled all night. What a nightmare ... but at the time I was comfortable. Things continued to deteriorate. I stole from my family and from my job. My family enabled me; my job did not, so I have a felony conviction.

Still, I did not truly want to quit gambling. My family, not knowing what else to do, sent me to in-patient treatment. I went because I had nowhere else to go. I left treatment and came home because of a probation issue.

Soon after returning home, I was gambling worse than I ever had before. I even inadvertently learned a new scam at a GA meeting. My parents shipped me back to treatment. I screwed around again for a couple of months. I didn't truly believe I could stop gambling.

Meanwhile, I had a couple of excellent counselors who were touching on some painful nerves. One issue in particular was centered around some sexual abuse I had experienced as an adolescent. I had convinced myself that, because no intercourse had taken place, it was "no big deal." But, you know, as the painful emotional probing continued, I realized that this DID have a place in "why I gambled." I'm still working on the issue.

As this initial exploration culminated, I gambled again. This time it was different. It didn't numb me out like it used to. I felt horrible— before, during and after the episode. I came home to my treatment center and immediately "‘fessed up." I wasn't sure if they would keep me or send me home . Or to jail; I was on probation, and gambling was a violation.

I don't know what I said. I wasn't trying to con my counselors or manipulate the situation. For the first time, I believe I surrendered. That was the beginning of my new life.

The miracles that have occurred since that fateful night are too numerous to list. I can say that I have the first true happiness I have experienced as an adult. My treatment center and GA literally saved my life, which had included suicide attempts and mental hospitalizations. I strive for recovery and try to pass on what little "experience, strength and hope" I have at this point, in order that someone else may change her life for the better. This is my story and I'm stickin' to it!....................................................................Love, Christine T., SC

IS KNOWING WHY WE GAMBLED IMPORTANT?     by Susan DeLorey.

In the GA rooms I have attended regularly, the Combo Book question above is ALWAYS a very controversial topic. Notably, the members who are not working on the 12 steps of recovery almost always say, "No, it is not important," and the members who are working on the steps almost always say, "Yes, it is important."

The answer in the yellow Combo Book reads, "Perhaps, however insofar as stopping gambling, many Gamblers Anonymous members have ABSTAINED from gambling without the benefit of the knowledge of why they gambled."

When a compulsive gambler first enters GA, I do not believe she is in any type of emotional place to even care why she gambled—neither is a ‘he,' for that matter. Usually, we still believe that gambling is a financial problem, as opposed to an emotional problem. We are often still in the midst of the chaos we have created in our lives. We cannot understand how our lives will ever get better. Most of us are financially tapped, emotionally drained and spiritually bankrupt.

In the following discussion, it is not my intention to underestimate the importance of abstinence from gambling. Early in recovery, abstinence is critically important; it is a prerequisite to recovery. Without abstinence, there can be no recovery.

I emphasized the word ‘ABSTAINED' above, even though it does not appear that way in the Combo Book. My belief is that merely abstaining will NOT make our lives better. We have gambled for a REASON. We have self-medicated anger, fear, pain, insecurity and low self- esteem; if we do not address and process these problems, the need to medicate—whether it be through gambling or some other type of addictive behavior—will remain.

As we work the 12 Steps of Recovery—particularly Steps 4 and 5—we frequently will uncover, address, and process many issues. For some, the underlying causes may be too difficult to uncover without some professional counseling or intervention.

The purpose of finding ‘recovery' is to become capable of enjoying a "normal way of thinking and living." This goal cannot be accomplished if one's life is not well-balanced. If you are abstaining from gambling but still living in constant chaos, you are most likely still emotionally drained and spiritually bankrupt.

Unless we defuse the REASONS WHY we gambled, the need to gamble will still menace us. Taking away the need to gamble requires, first, the knowledge of WHY you gambled. Therefore, my belief is: YES, knowing WHY we gambled IS IMPORTANT.

WHW E-MAIL NETWORK

In our July 2002 issue, we floated the idea of facilitating an e-mail connection between readers wanting to correspond with other compulsive gamblers seeking recovery. Almost as soon as the issue hit the website, we heard from Karen B., who became the first member of the WHW E-mail Network. More than 30 women have since made the same choice Karen did, for expanding the all-important support base that we need so much.

Many of the women on the Network are experiencing prolonged success in remaining abstinent from gambling. As those of us who attend GA meetings know, some members (like yours truly!) relapse one or more times before they meet with success in their efforts to arrest the addiction of pathological gambling; some Network members have relapsed, as well. All the members rejoice when a woman who has relapsed makes the healthy, life-affirming choice of "climbing back on the horse" and sharing with her Network sisters what the relapse taught her about herself and about her addiction.

Several Network members are actively working the Gamblers Anonymous Recovery Steps or pursuing other avenues of help, and they are experiencing the benefits that accrue from recovery work. Their growth and the resulting positive change in their lives provide hope and inspiration to others.

A few women periodically send a message to the whole Network, updating us on what's going on in their lives. We can share our problems with each other, as well as our experience, strength and hope. Others are in regular contact with just 1 or 2 other members, and tightknit ‘mini' support groups have developed. Three women discovered that they live within a couple hours' drive of each other, and they have rendezvoused and attended GA meetings together!

We planned an update on the WHW E-mail Network on the 1-year anniversary, but we've decided to update you a few months early because of a change that I believe will result in an even more dynamic support network! Susan D. has enthusiastically agreed to become the point- of-contact for new Network members. Current members, whose address changes or whatever, should also contact her in that regard. A link to Susan's e-mail address appears in this issue, as it will every month, in the "Help Beyond GA" section.

Susan energized the Network practically from Day One of her membership; we have all enjoyed, and benefited from, her regular Network-wide ‘postings,' and her insights into addiction and RECOVERY are immensely helpful. WHW also greatly appreciates the articles she has contributed from a clinician point of view. In fact, her latest appears in this issue!

Marilyn and I are both firm believers in "12th Step" work. One of Marilyn's favorite sayings is, "You've got to give it away to keep it." I know I can speak for her when I say that in any and all 12th Step work I do, I receive far more than I give. I'm grateful for the opportunity I've had to "meet" a bunch of wonderful women who share my desire to transform a deadly negative— addiction—into a beautiful positive—wholeness through recovery. I look forward to my continuing connection with the other members of the WHW E-mail Network. Thank you for being YOU!....Betty C., AZ