GETTING OUT OF GAMBLING’S GRIP
Hi everyone,
It has been 3 days since I last gambled. I know it doesn’t seem like much
and boy oh boy did I want to go gamble last night. I just kept typing
e-mails and reading online, then I watched a movie on TV. I had the urge all
day/night, just wanted a little win. Money is tight and I know I cant gamble
or the money will be NIL and I have a family. Plus I am not the money maker
in the family. I’m the homemaker and not doing a very good job at it!! I am
NOT going to gamble I keep telling myself. I keep un-subscribing to e-mails
I get from casinos and bingo sites, I hate them. I wish they didn’t send me
e-mails. It doesn’t help my trying to curb my urges! Online gambling should
be illegal, it makes it too easy for us to spend and spend. The nearest
casino is almost a 2 hr drive from me, so it was easier to quit before
because I know if I go I won’t come home for at least 24 hrs and in the back
of my mind my family is what keeps me from making the trip. I am constantly
on the computer so on-line casinos are much too easy for me to access when I
have the urge. I almost, I say almost, cancelled my Comcast internet, but my
whole family uses it. My kids use it for school , I use it for all the
household bills, and my husband just uses it occasionally. I do his
invoicing , bids, and billing through the internet for his work also. I KNOW
I CAN DO THIS its just another day - NO Gambling for ME! Peace of mind for
my family for another day. Good Luck to Everyone!!
Hugs from Brandie in Utah
- INTERNET GAMBLING
- AND WOMEN
Joanna Franklin, MS NCGC II Trimeridian Inc.
We don’t have much science on Internet gambling. Very few studies are done on women and gambling, and fewer yet on women Internet gamblers. We do know from a study done by Roberta Boughton of CAMH, Toronto, that, of over 350 women pathological gamblers, those who gambled on the Internet averaged 14 times a month.
What does that figure really mean? Who knows? The data is likely to be conservative at best, and once into averages we get no clear picture of individual use of the Internet. Perhaps differences between and similarities with Internet gambling and more traditional forms is the better place to focus some attention.
I think we can begin and end with a term like relationship. What is your relationship with gambling today vs. a year ago, a month ago or even yesterday? Many women gamblers are known for the escape forms of gambling–slot machines, poker machines, lottery, Keno, Bingo etc. Of course women also play action games, but the majority who present for care seem to be hooked on the escape games, and poker machines are at the top of the list.
Most counselors would agree that Internet gambling is on the rise, but by
whom and how great the increase, I don’t think we really know yet. We do
know that the Internet offers all gamblers some very special things, such
as:
Convenience
Privacy/Anonymity
24/7 availability
Largest variety of games to be found anywhere and while at
home, the player is:
o Safe
o Providing childcare, if appropriate (sort of)
o Comfortable
o Not requiring cash …
Each of these few things listed really represents a new way of looking at gambling opportunities. No more excuses needed to get out of the house or the office. No more need to drive a distance, park, and get inside somewhere to play. No chance of bumping into anyone you
shouldn’t bump into. The list goes on and on, with at-home ease and anonymity at the top in seductive attractions.Many women seem to have learned to "turn to the tube" as a way to address–not solve–lots of problems. Some of my women clients report turning on the TV in the morning when they get up, not to watch a special show but to have some voices or "company" in the house with them. For many years scientists have examined the soap opera phenomenon and tried to understand the high level of devotion to fictional characters and their extremes. All in all it seems that the ability to live vicariously through TV families has great appeal to many. We can begin to feel we know these pretend characters and gain another escape from reality through them. The worse a given individual’s reality, perhaps the more appealing the escape into "Days of Our Lives" or "Desperate Housewives.
"The joy one may feel in the beginning as you gamble in secret and enjoy the games is not really the same as curling up with a good book. That early joy and fun at playing gives way to looking forward to the diversion, to the escape and excitement of a few hours of fun. "I work hard and I am entitled to a little time for me." Seemingly harmless enjoyment can give way to more and more chasing, a sense of "need" attached to the computer, logging on and being welcomed into your own fantasy world. Eventually, for many problem gamblers, it isn’t fun anymore, it isn’t exciting. A gambling episode becomes what they need to feel ok for awhile. They feel they have to do it to get back what they have lost, and the blank screen sometimes seems to talk to them. It whispers, "Come and play awhile," and says "It’s easy, you can win and win it all; free money, log on here, free play;" and finally screams, "Get back here right away if you want to feel good again, want to feel taken care of, want to feel in control."
On the other side of that blank screen is a world of no problems waiting for me if I can just get there...just win this time, just one big one....
The games can be fast, played on various levels of difficulty and come with all kinds of bells and whistles. Perhaps the first concern isn’t asking, How does it appeal? What is the magic?, but rather, How do we help these gamblers? What works for their recovery program?
No one has any simple answers when working with Internet gamblers. These are very tough games to avoid since they are available from virtually every computer, easy to get to and easy to hide–to a point. Some of our clients, devastated by their losses, were ready to move the computer out of the house, lock it up in a closet, or have the keyboard locked in the trunk of the car until family were home, to protect themselves from the impulse to log on and play.
My first of many lessons learned is that nothing on a screen takes the place of a real relationship–a relationship that can be satisfying and rewarding, between real people. The kind found in real fellowship, like G.A. or A.A. or any such support group. Perhaps the hardest thing for an Internet gambler to do in working a recovery program is to abandon the machine as your prime source of interaction and satisfaction–to learn how to invest wisely in people who can provide the real support and intimacy that allows us all to grow and thrive as the women we are and the women we want to become.
For many of my Internet gamblers it isn’t a day at a time; it is an hour at a time. The impulse is strong, the availability sooo easy. Recovery from the "net" requires many kinds of help. When you have an office job that includes using a computer, you can’t just lock it up. Perhaps you can look into a software blocking program by Roger Horbay, available for a reasonable price at http://www.gamblock.com .
Consider having someone review your computer log every day to ensure you haven’t gone to a gambling site. Avoid being alone while on-line. Limit your time on-line. When the urge gets strong, call a sponsor or someone else who understands. And, of course, see that all the other elements of a good recovery program, including relapse prevention standards, are in place.Unfortunately, we don’t know more than we do know about Internet gamblers; but we are investigating it more and more. Though I don’t expect magic answers, I’m sure we will learn helpful ways to support each other and reach out for real relationships, rather than the two-dimensional all take/no give of the computer monitor.
It is all too simple to say take a walk; get a cup of coffee or some cold water; read the Combo Book; call a friend; pet the dog, stroke the cat; draw a picture. But almost any alternative will help. Just don’t click on that icon, don’t go to a gambling site. One hour at a time, one day at a time ... just not right now.
And now ... An Invitation
If you have any experience with Internet gambling, I invite you to contribute to our understanding of this form of gambling by e-mailing Marilyn or Betty (I have their blessings!) with answers to some or all of the following questions. Please put "Joanna" in the subject line, and they will cut and paste your responses into a new e-mail for forwarding to me, removing all identification and ensuring your complete anonymity.
In the interest of establishing demographics, please answer all of the first 5 questions.
- –
Again, be assured that your responses will be completely anonymous. I will collect and tabulate responses from anyone who takes us up on this invitation. In 2, at most 3, months you’ll see the results on this web page. Along with Marilyn and Betty, I very much hope that those readers who have gambled on the Internet will share their experience with WHW readers, so we can all learn together.
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