MORE, a national women's magazine, is inviting you:

A reporter for MORE Magazine is researching an article on women who have battled an Internet gambling addiction. The article aims to tell the story of women who have successfully overcome an Internet gambling addiction in order to promote better understanding of this important issue and help other women who are dealing with addiction.

The reporter is looking for women who would like to share their stories with other women by participating in the article. Specifically, she is looking for women in their 40s who were negatively affected by an Internet gambling addiction (both financially and personally), but have since beaten the addiction. To share your story please contact:   albake01@gmail.com.

  I travel light these days ~~~~

No longer do I carry the baggage from my past – guilt, shame and remorse. Nor do I pack around too many expectations for the future. For on this road to recovery, I need only faith and hope... and only enough for today.

I used to pack around guilt, shame and remorse as though it were a permanent growth on my back. It was such a heavy burden to be lugging around… especially while trying to climb those twelve steps of recovery!

Thank God I discovered a wonderful thing called “Forgiveness”. I came to realize that my Creator had forgiven me, so why on earth couldn’t I forgive myself? My family and friends loved me unconditionally as well, each bestowing me the precious gift of forgiveness after all the pain I had caused them. That was amazing to me, that all of these people whom I had hurt with my endless lies and betrayals, could simply love me anyway.

Allowing myself to wallow in the self-pity that comes hand-in-hand with the guilt, shame and remorse was like being stuck in quicksand… eventually it would have swallowed me whole! I believe that we as compulsive gamblers have suffered enough pain in our addictions, and once we take that first step toward recovery, we need to end the guilt trip in order to begin the new journey. We should never forget where we came from of course, as it is a good reminder of where we do not want to revisit… but we must let go of certain aspects of our past pain in order to begin the healing process. More often than not, our self-esteem has been whittled down to nothing, so it is vitally important to give ourselves at least a small pat on the back for taking that first step toward recovery. Hard to do that if we are packing around that permanent growth called guilt, shame and remorse! So lighten the load! Give yourself a break! Even though we traveled through Hell and did a lot of despicable things there, we are still human beings deserving of a second ‘chance’. God still loves us… and that speaks volumes.

As well, I try not to have too many expectations of the future. As the saying goes… ‘One day at a time’. I try to stay in the moment and enjoy each and every minute of my sobriety from gambling. Its good just to be alive and its even better to be anywhere other than seated in front of a slot machine! Those cold, metal monsters no longer have me in their clutches… I am FREE! Freedom does take work though. If I stop working hard at the twelve steps of recovery, I begin to fall back into old patterns of behavior. That is dangerous for me. I know my boundaries, and I must be diligent in keeping a safe, healthy distance from that precipice… For me, the only way to do that is to surround myself in God and other recovering addicts. Prayer is very helpful for me. God has big shoulders, and he counts my every tear. He loved me when I was most unlovable. And traveling this journey of recovery with other addicts is very helpful also. I believe God works through people. And who better to understand my struggles than another recovering gambler?

RECOVERY ROCKS!

Unload your guilt, shame and remorse and take that first step. Begin a new journey today. You deserve to find freedom from addiction. You deserve to find peace again. No matter where you have been, no matter what you have done… you are worthy of a second chance.

GOD STILL LOVES YOU… AND SO DO YOUR SISTERS!
~ Joan S. in Alberta Canada

Joan is the author of "A Place Where Weeds & Roses Grow" - check it out in "Suggested Reading" at the left hand side of your screen...
 

                           

"And Then There Was the Internet"

By Bobbe McGinley
Clinical Director/CEO of ACT – Counseling & Education

A recovering gambling addict, who asked not to be identified said, “There was no boundary between me and what was going on inside the computer screen.  I was ill with a compulsion, even though I was loosing between five and fifteen thousand dollars a month. 

From the 1870’s in Wild West saloons to today’s captivating Las Vegas casinos, people have been placing bets on card games and machines, losing every penny they have.  Today the Internet has taken this to a much higher level, letting anyone place bets from their living room couch or office at work. 

Monitoring online gambling is getting more and more difficult for a gambler to figure how much they are losing.  “Gambling on the internet is really the worst form of gambling you can have, with all of the forms of gambling there are not enough regulations,” said Rep. Robert Goodlatte.

 There are an ideal amount of people who are not prone to gambling without the use of the internet, so the more people a site attracts the more new recruits will eventually become problem gamblers. 

 Internet gambling is a modern manifestation of man’s timeless attraction to playing cards.  What the internet has done is revved up the excitement”, says Ken Winters, a psychiatry professor at the University of Minnesota.  “You are only a click away from winning big money.”  Before the internet people would have to fly or drive quite a distance to get to a casino—now you can get there in about 30 seconds with a few clicks of your index finger. 

If casino gambling is what a person wants to do, they sit and think about it a little longer than just going online to gamble.  Then come the thoughts…Do I want to drive for two hours?  Who will watch the kids?  When should I leave?  Although a gambling compulsion may affect these choices no matter what the questions are, the internet has made this much easier. There is no need to leave the house, worry about who is going to put the kids to bed, or what time to be home.

“Online gambling has increased the power of the magnet to include a larger group of people, and the concern is that this is going to get some people into the clutches of the addictive process,” Winter’s said.  Another reason why gambling is so addictive is the lack of social skills.  If you are going online to gamble, there is no need to tell anyone about it, whereas if you’re going to Atlantic City or Vegas, you might feel the need to  tell someone.  Compulsive gamblers tend to lie about where they are going and what they plan to do and the internet makes it easier to hide.

Getting Help

The treatment process usually includes individual and group therapy that will focus on both the gamblers’ actions and their emotional problems.  For safety, a relative, friend or outsider usually takes control of the finances, and the computer will need software installed that will prevent accessibility to on-line gambling.  Treatment is only successful if the gambler wants to stop gambling.  It is an incredible challenge, yet many people, over time, have been abstinent “off the bet” for extended periods of time. “A problem gambler is not going to be able to gamble safely, any more than an alcoholic can drink safely.  It is a lifetime recovery process.  It is “One day at a Time.”

 

. . . because grandma doesn’t have electricity.

Sorry to keep bothering you with my notes.....but I am truly alone with this.  Alone, but yet so worried about others finding out...my co-workers...but most importantly - my son and daughter-in-law.  I feel I have let them down so much the past 6 years....and now this.  I am having a really hard time finding a way to tell them that gambling was more important to me than being on time for my grandkids birthday celebration...and gambling was the reason I had no presents for them.  I am searching for the courage to tell them that I can’t take the kids on Monday for the planned two fun-filled days with grandma...because grandma fed every cent of her paycheck into a machine.  And to tell them that the kids shouldn’t spend two nights here because grandma doesn’t have electricity.  I can’t believe I put gambling before my grandkids.  It is hard not to use the pills I have stashed away to end the problem. 

I have alienated everyone else that once was a part of my life by my behaviors.  Not just the gambling...but the 6 year relationship I am trapped in.  It is so bad, but I can’t get out of it and the gambling is just one manifestation of my depression.  I can tell you the exact day I started gambling...April 1, 2005....the day Bob told me he was HIV positive.  The day he confessed all his affairs...confessed all the times he had lied to me and manipulated me.   I don’t know why I went to the casino...it is ten minutes away from my house, and I had gone there only a handful of times before...I guess I wanted noise...I wanted to not think.  I also can’t explain why I shaved all my hair off the same night...or why I still do it.  Or why I have not ended the relationship.  Bob had to go on meds last year...and the day he went on meds was the day my gambling really got out of control.  I lost my entire tax refund, most of my paycheck and a small savings in three days.  $4000 in three days.  Wow. 

For the past year I have lived as if I didn’t care whether I lived or died...and I feel I have painted myself into a corner and taken the choice away from myself.  The disgust I feel towards myself is so deep.  I don’t know if I can come back from this. 

Marilyn, You may use my email, and I would appreciate emails from others.    cklis@sbcglobal.net     I feel so alone in this.  I am very tired tonight, the last time I could sleep was Sunday night...but I think tonight is crash night. 

Char

Wisconsin

                         

Gripped by Gambling.  

I have a new website   www.grippedbygambling.com  with information about my book.  The site contains an autobiography with some photos of special times in my life.  The book is available at Wheatmark.com or call 1-888-934-0888 x3,  Amazon.com,  Borders.com, BarnesandNoble.com,  BooksAMillion.com, etc. It can be ordered by the title, author or Isbn # 978-1-58736-770-0. Gifts Anon stores in Phoenix and Scottsdale are stocking  the book. Marilyn Lancelot , AZ    mslancelot@cox.net  

Hello everyone… My name is Joan and I am a recovering compulsive gambler in Alberta Canada. I’ve written a little tribute to Marilyn, our dear friend who so generously publishes this “Women helping Women” site, and who also does so many other things to help our suffering sisters. She has been an enormous blessing in my life in many ways, as I know she has in the lives of so many others. I hope my words bring some joy to her heart and I hope she gets a good sense of how much she is loved and appreciated!!!

Marilyn… for all you do, this ditty is for you…


~ Ode to Marilyn ~

Once upon a time
In the desert there did dwell
A mom… A chum… A granny
Headin’ straight for gamblin’ hell
Her secrets she kept hidden
All the covert checks and swindlin’
Smilin’ oh so sweetly
Whilst her morals they were dwindlin’
And then a day of reckoning
Shameful deeds revealed
A family’s heart is shattered
Click-click her fate was sealed
Metal cuffs so cold
Endless tears of sorrow
Guilt, shame, remorse
Enough for an eternal tomorrow
A stint in a cold, harsh pen
A gaping hole in her soul
Discomfort and disgrace
Quickly take their toll
A lesson learned the hard way
Her story she must tell
Marilyn’s “Gripped by Gambling”
Her personal trip to hell
“Women Helping Women”
It’s really out of site
This lady sure knows how
To turn a wrong into a right!
Her service work is endless
Her humble heart so grand
A brand new women’s meeting
A kind and caring hand
God sent to us an angel
With wings of snowy white
A mom… A chum… A granny
She holds a lantern bright
Should you feel her warmth
Never shall you be the same
A precious gift from God
Marilyn is her name.

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