Volume No. II, Issue No. 12                                             December 2000

Hello, my name is Marilyn A. and I am a compulsive gambler.

I am fairly new at this recovery; I had almost a year of abstinence, but I had a 2-hour relapse 3 months ago. I feel better and stronger every day. The only thing that does make me happy about the relapse is that I have more clean time than bad times.

We were used to going to Reno every year for New Year's Eve, but we didn't go last year and we aren't going this year. I have a lot of friends who have cabins and such up at Lake Tahoe. They say, "Come on up and enjoy the snow!" No, I have already bought presents for my grandkids instead of trying to save money for New Year's! This is much more fun!

Merry Christmas and a peaceful, non-gambling New Year!.....................Marilyn A., CA

I have been gambling free for 225 days, and I am sitting here thinking about this year's holidays. We just ended Thanksgiving, and oh what a difference! I actually stayed home and enjoyed all the love and joy of my family and extended family. I did not once think about gambling. My days were filled with so much love and fun. I missed out on so much when I was gambling. I missed children laughing. I missed family members loving and caring about one another. And I missed the blessing of the Lord allowing us to be together to partake in the Glory of his Love for us. This year Christmas will be the most joyous of holidays as I celebrate the birth of Jesus with a clear and healthy mind. Being gambling free allows me this great feeling of being a well and good person. Without GA I know I would be that lost and sick person running to the casinos looking for the comfort I was seeking. The comfort was right there in front of me all the time: my higher power of my own understanding. Thank you, Lord, for GA, my caring GA family, my loving family and friends and, most of all. your power to heal a sick soul...................................... Jimmie R., AZ

Just thought I would drop you a line and let you know how my holidays are going since I choose to not gamble today. I have truly enjoyed Thanksgiving the past few years. Why? Because I was grateful to be with my family and friends. I did not have to rush through dinner and run to a casino to play Bingo, Video Poker or play a keno ticket in a restaurant if I was eating out. That is what I used to do many years ago. Today, I can take my time eating. I am able to really enjoy my family, have great conversations and just plain relax. These are the miracles that God and the program have revealed to me. All I have to do is keep working the steps in my life and continue to help other compulsive gamblers recover.

Today, I do not have to charge my Christmas gifts. I buy only what I can afford. The love I have received in the program has given me such a wonderful way of life that I get excited at the thought of giving. Today, I don't have to take from others. I don't have to be the big shot with expensive gifts. I just enjoy life. I am grateful that I am a compulsive gambler because I would have never learned how to live a so called "normal" life and be happy. I don't want to ever go back where I came from. Thanks, GA, for my 12 1/2 years of recovery and my new way of life.

  Jan A., Las Vegas, NV......................................Abstinence Date: 8-11-88

Hi, you all, This is Shirley from Tennessee. When I was gambling I really felt guilty because I did not want to spend time with my 3 boys. So to make up for that I went out and bought all kinds of gifts. I do not have to do that now though I do send the grandkids something. I have a much better feeling about myself and Hanukah. This season is a time for good feelings; it's not about the gifts ...   

                         Love and hugs, Shirley S., Tenn.

I no longer have to dull my spirit (Christmas or otherwise) with drugs, gambling, or booze. Instead I keep my spirit polished and nurtured for when I leave this earth. I will leave this body and all the worldly things behind and present only my spirit to my God. Today it is my job to fill my spirit with as much light as it can hold, and if I can't hold it then I just marvel at letting it shine. The holidays, any day, every day are events for celebration one day at a time. And I no longer have to go into debt to please others with stuff. I get remembrances on a budget with no apology or feeling of inadequacy, for it is remembering people with love that is the gift to celebrate. Happy holidays to all and God bless us all in 2001. He certainly has done a fine job of showering us with blessings in 2000.......................................... Lora L., AZ

Nine years ago I didn't clean and bake a turkey, or prepare the gravy or the dressing. I didn't sit down on the couch after dinner and watch our old home movies with my family.

Instead, I sat on a folding chair in a noisy dining room with 400 other women. I had gambled away everything; my home, my job, my life savings—and my freedom. My eyes filled with tears when I picked up a piece of the canned sliced turkey with a white plastic fork.

That morning my family came to visit me, but I couldn't leave with them to share their holiday dinner. We tried to laugh and pretend everything was OK, but we knew that it would be a lonely day.

That day 9 years ago would be the first and last Christmas I would be separated from my family, and I'm still cooking Christmas dinner for my daughters, my grand-kids and my great grand-kids. I consider it a privilege. Today I have money for presents, I can decorate my apartment, and I have my life back. I owe it all to Gamblers Anonymous and the wonderful friends I've made......................................Marilyn L., Arizona

Yesterday I brought a Christmas card to show the members at my GA Step Meeting. It had a picture of my sister Elna, her husband and their 4 dogs and she had written, "The greatest blessing of this Christmas Season is that you are back in my life."

Our estrangement began long before I gambled. She and I had the same father, but different mothers. Elna's mother, Rachel, was like a grandmother to me. When she died, it brought the worst out in everyone. Elna and I had not spoken in the 9 years since Rachel's funeral.

After 2 years of not gambling, I felt I needed additional help to heal some of my life-long issues and began to take part in a women's therapy group. In the ensuing 1½ years, I gradually have taken more and more responsibility for everything that has happened in my life and have felt less and less like a victim.

One of the insights I had, regarded why Elna and I had never had a chance as sisters. In our step group we have been studying a step each month. In September when we were on step 9, I decided to write an amends letter to Elna. I wanted to let her know I realized I was very much at fault for the failure of our relationship, and I was sorry. I didn't know if I would ever hear from her, but it felt like the right thing to do. I wrote it, and I let it go.

And then her letter came! She not only accepted my amends, she said there were things she wished she had done differently. Sometimes things turn out just the way you wish they would.

I had dinner with her and her husband a few weeks ago when they were in town. We walked the dogs and chatted, getting to know each other again. I am going to Flagstaff to spend the first weekend of the New Year at the house I came home to as a newborn.

I truly believe we would have carried our alienation to the grave if I hadn't learned to continuously work the steps of recovery. In January the Wednesday group starts with step 1 again. I'll be back. ....................... Paula B., AZ

Dear Lord,

 

Give me enough tears to keep me human, Enough humor to keep me wise,

Enough setbacks to keep me Humble,

Enough accomplishments to keep me confident,

Enough patience to teach me waiting, Enough hope to teach me trusting,

Enough friends to give me love,

Enough memories to give me comfort

And enough faith to keep me going.

 

Anonymous