Volume No. V, Issue No. 12                                          December  2003

                       

       RECOGNIZING A MIRACLE

         by Lori Rugle, Ph.D.

Many of us have heard the story of an extremely devout man who chose to trust God to save him from a flood. As the flood waters rose from the lawn to the first floor of his house to the second floor to the roof, the devout man turned down four offers of rescue, proclaiming his trust in God. When the flood waters inundated the chimney he was clinging to, the man drowned! In Heaven he said to God, "I have always trusted in you and believed you could do miracles; why did you not save me from the flood waters?" God replied, "I sent the police to drive you to safety, a neighbor to row you to safety, the Coast Guard to boat you to safety and a helicopter to fly you to safety; what more did you want?"

I often think of miracles only in terms of the spectacular, "big" miracles: raising someone from the dead, making a blind person see, a malignant tumor mysteriously vanishing—the type of miracle many churches consider the "only miracles." They must be investigated by the most knowledgeable, most experienced, highest ranking of the church, to judge whether they meet the stringent criteria for what constitutes a miracle. Heaven forbid that ordinary, everyday events should be recognized as miracles. Miracles are only for the purest, most holy to experience.

When I think of miracles only in that way, I feel sad, disappointed and intimidated. Who am I to think I deserve miracles in my life? I, like the devout man in the story, want a sign, preferably something in large neon letters in the middle of a cloudless sky, leaving no room for doubt or misinterpretation.

If all I do is keep looking for those neon letters, I ignore all those offering me miracles of love, friendship, help and compassion on a daily basis. I will also be ignoring my own capacity for miracles of love, forgiveness and healing. To paraphrase what the Dalai Lama has said, it’s not that I expect too much of myself, it’s that I don’t expect enough, and as the Course in Miracles reminds us, miracles don’t come in sizes. Through my ability to open my heart, to put aside fear and to see the connection I have with all my sisters and brothers, I can create the miraculous.

Miracles don’t occur when I want what I haven’t got or pray for neon letters in the sky. I can only perceive the miraculous by appreciating and being open to each moment. I tend, as I think many of us do, to think that miracles are only those things that bring great joy, happiness, clarity or relief. But miracles often, at first, seem a "mixed blessing" at best, or even quite painful.

An example frequently used by a dear friend and co-therapist: If you saw a blind and deaf woman walking towards a railroad track with a train speeding towards her, would you pick up a rock and throw it at her? The woman, hit by the rock, might at first be angry, confused and even physically hurt by the rock, only later to realize that it had saved her life.

I don’t recommend a Pollyanna approach, trying to deny the sadness and pain that is in all our lives. I do, however, believe that if I can be open to even the difficult times, I am helping myself to be open to the miraculous. Jack Kornfield writes in his wonderful book, After the Ecstasy, the Laundry, that life is "like a labyrinth, a circle, a flower’s petal-by-petal opening, or a deepening spiral, a dance around the still point, the center of all things. There are always changing cycles - ups and downs, openings to love and freedom, often followed by new and subtle entanglements."

I doubt I’ll ever see neon writing in the sky, but I have had exquisite, miraculous minutes, hours and even days, when I have allowed myself to be truly present in the moment. When I can see the love of all beings in the smile of a stranger, when I can see myself in one I fear or who has hurt me, when I can hear the music of the spheres in a moment of stillness or feel the rain, sun and earth in a blade of grass ... in those moments, I am filled with awe at how wondrous all of life is. It is then that I can be at peace with myself and with life as it is. Then I can accept that I am not vulnerable and risk offering my love, understanding and compassion to all so that together we can experience the miraculous.

Perhaps I shouldn’t ask myself how spectacular and out of the ordinary something has to be in order to qualify as a miracle. Rather, I need to ask how I can appreciate the "smallest" of miracles. I do not need to look for signs from heaven. Rather, I need to have the eyes to see heaven that is all around me...................... Peace and Love.

 

Lori Rugle studies the illness of pathological gambling and

treats compulsive gamblers at Trimeridian, Inc.

         LETTERS FROM WHW NETWORK MEMBERS

What Can I Say? I was desperate - full of sadness and despair and, believe it or not, I turned to my computer. My computer expertise was limited - used it for work, but never really did a significant search - hoping to find something to help me change my life, something to give me hope, something to shed light on a very dark, cold horizon. And then I found WHW and the E-Mail Network. An entire world opened up to me. I was not alone in my strife - other women communicated on a regular basis about their lives and one very personal aspect - their gambling addiction.

I want to extend a heartfelt thank you to all the women on our network. Each is part of the whole, and I am grateful to all those who have had input in my recovery process. I am coming to learn that recovery is a process and is not just something that happens and - boom - it is done with. It is an ongoing evolution - allowing for ups and downs, trial and error....

WHW has truly been a life saver, a shining light, a source of comfort, support and networking that has helped me celebrate my first year of gambling free living. I am forever grateful and hope that the e-mails I write provide a connection to someone else in the very special way that those I receive have for me. .............Jo T., New York

This network provides a place for me to go where I can be 100% myself and I will not be judged for that. As a matter of fact, no matter what you say or do you are loved and supported by the women in this network, 24/7. You are free to discuss anything that may be bothering you, or making you happy on any given day; and usually there is someone out there who relates, or at best understands where you are coming from; and then the chain reaction starts.

This network has helped me be more honest with myself and has inspired me to be more honest with people in my life. If you stick around this network long enough you will find we all do the best we can to be honest with ourselves and each other and that is an awesome feeling.

Thanks all for listening, and may God continue to send blessings your way.......................Lori M., California

Through this network I have been able to connect with ladies that have the same problem I do. Compulsive gambling. Some have been in recovery for years and some, like me, only a very short time. I have been able to correspond with many and through that have been able to draw from their strength and knowledge. Through this network I believe I will be able to stop the insanity of gambling.

Some of the e-mails I receive are heartwarming and some are from ladies reaching out for help. Sometimes it helps just to know someone out there cares about you and what you are going through. It does help when you get a pat on the back for another day that you were gamble free.

I am living one day at a time with this disease and pray that I can continue to stay in the frame of mind I am in now, which is not to gamble. I don't plan my days anymore around gambling. I plan my days now around NOT GAMBLING.................................... Carolyn B., Mississippi

I need to hear both points of view. I need encouragement and I need to encourage. Together, we can accomplish things we could not accomplish alone. I need to be heard and I need to lend an ear and a sympathetic murmur. I need to say and to hear "way to go girl" and I need a shoulder to lean on when I am weak.

At first, I hardly read anything that anyone wrote; in fact, I deleted most of it and thought to myself "Why am I on a list where I receive e-mails I don't even read?" As I was about to log off one day, I read something one of the other members wrote, and it made me realize here was an available resource I wasn't utilizing.

So I started to read everything that is sent, even if I don't comment on it. I also figured out that, as it's a pretty anonymous list, I could write anything I wanted that was going on with me. In doing so I found great support from other women who have been in the places that I've been and have been through exactly the same "stuff." This has been the most comforting. I've come to love this network and what it represents, and I feel responsible, in a positive way, to keep it going for when the next new person comes along, trying to find her way through this gambling maze. ...................................Dawn F., Arizona

I live in New Jersey and used to go to the casino every weekend. Sometimes I lost more than I wanted and felt depressed, but I never gambled with money I needed to pay my expenses. Then I discovered online gambling.

I set up an account with my debit card and started gambling in my pjs. I was totally out of control. Although I never wagered money I didn’t have, I didn’t like myself and felt almost desperate to stop. I went online and found your web site and sent an e-mail about my online problem. Someone responded immediately and told me about GAMBLOCK.com; Gamblock saved me and I will be forever grateful for this information. I know that if I had not downloaded Gamblock I would have completely wiped out my savings account. I have control over everything in my life except gambling online. So thank you network and a special thanks for the information about Gamblock!

Connie W., New Jersey

Feeling all alone, depressed, and desperate, I found the Women Helping Women website and network. Immediately, I was connected to women who were fighting the same urges and struggling to get free. In addition to the support, the network is my wee hour GA meeting. These ladies are more than e-mails; They are friends who share and encourage. The network is my online Family. It has meant the world to me and my recovery. Thank you!...................................Mary S., NM