Volume No. III, Issue No. 2 February 2001
REMEMBER
WHEN
The sun has gone down and it is now 1 AM. The smoke-filled clubhouse at Suffolk Downs makes me gag. Gambling refuse litters the tables and floor. Tattered racing forms. Programs from Saratoga, Suffolk Downs, Aqueduct, Meadowlands. Empty beer cups. Losing tickets. Only one simulcast track is running. One race is left. I've still got $2.00. What do I do? I bet and lose.
Driving home from the track, unbearable anguish, disgust, and remorse assail me. After arriving on Hawthorn Street, I park the car and see the light on in my bedroom window. My roommate peaks through the blinds with tears running down her face.
After another attempt at handicapping the horses--the Sport of Kings and Queens--and losing, I drag myself into a GA meeting once again on August 5, 2000. Defeated, bedraggled, heartsick.
Because I'd recently lost my job, I had no more excuses not to get to more meetings:
Monday, Revere; Tuesday, Medford; Wednesday, Chelsea; Thursday, Boston; Friday, Chelsea again; Saturday, Peabody; Sunday, Malden.
Seven days with meetings makes me strong. Seven days without a meeting made me WEAK.
November was coming and I signed up for the retreat at LaSalette in Attleboro, never realizing what the Higher Power had in store for me. There, with Hal and Sal at dusk in the chapel, I knelt down and took the Third Step with them. After praying, crying, and hugging, I got up on my feet and had never felt more loved and cared for by two wonderful fellows and my Higher Power.
I made it through the Triple Crown: Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Year's without a bet. Twenty-seven years of gambling caused a lot of destruction in all areas of my life. But One Day At A Time I'm getting better................................................Kathy M., MA
WHAT WORKS FOR METwelve Recovery Steps and 12 Unity Steps make up our Gamblers Anonymous program, and we all work our program a little differently. Some of us have times so difficult that we choose to go back out and gamble. Some continue, one day at a time, to abstain from gambling. Fortunately for me, I have yet to feel the urge to ride that wild horse again.
I have thoughts of gambling, but so far it has never gone beyond the thoughts. I hear the words, "I'm not responsible for the first thought that comes into my head, but I am responsible for what I do with it." Perhaps I haven't relapsed because of the years I have been a member of AA as well as GA, or perhaps it is because my bottom was so painful and devastating.
When I entered recovery from compulsive gambling, I was unemployed, so I attended all the GA meetings in the Phoenix area, plus 4 or 5 AA meetings a week. I had the good fortune to attend GA for 5 months--and build a foundation for my continuing recovery--before I was sentenced to prison for a gambling-related crime. During those first 5 months, I worked closely with my sponsor, shared my therapy at meetings, asked lots of questions, and listened to those wiser members in the program. My sponsor visited me in prison, and I received mail from other members.
When I was released 10 months later, I attended meetings again. I worked on the steps with my sponsor, helped make coffee and clean up the rooms, became a secretary, and began to sponsor newcomers. I worked diligently on my program because I knew I couldn't help others by sharing knowledge if I didn't have it.
Women were scarce in Phoenix-area GA 10 years ago. Three of us started a women's meeting in my apartment, and slowly other women came and stayed.
I have been secretary of 2 groups focused on "Working the Steps." These groups greatly helped me, as well as other members attending. I learned to apply the principles of the program, not only to my gambling, but to every aspect of my life. I know today that I can change only one person, and that person is me. And I learned I couldn't make a problem go away by pretending it didn't exist.
Life has not been easy since I stopped gambling, but it wasn't easy when I gambled! Thanks to gambling, I lost my home, my retirement, and my freedom. My mother died two weeks after my arrest, my son died six months after my release from prison, and my boyfriend died one year later. My youngest son and my 3 daughters all have addiction problems; my son and one daughter are in recovery. Thanks to continuing growth through our 12 Steps of Recovery, I didn't have to gamble over these issues.
I was fortunate to be elected to the position of Trustee for 4 years, and it was a valuable experience where I learned how much work has to be done for the compulsive gambler who still suffers. I am now working on a program to bring GA meetings into a women's prison here in Phoenix. And I work in conjunction with the Arizona Council on Compulsive Gambling on their Outreach Program to help compulsive gamblers in small, outlying areas.
My friend Betty and I have put together this newsletter for female gamblers and send it to 100 women around the country who share it with many others. We also have a Webpage for those readers who have computers.
I've learned that no problem presents itself that gambling wouldn't make worse. My coping skills today have changed my life, and I'm very grateful for Gamblers Anonymous. Today I don't fear gambling or casinos, but I have a great deal of respect for the power of the addiction. And I have the comfort of recovery today.
January 11, 2001 was my 10th anniversary, and I am still trying to give back to the program. When I see a member return to gambling, it's a powerful reminder--that person could someday be me. I know I have to avoid complacency, and I believe that if I work the program with as much effort as I formerly put into my gambling, I should be able to stay away from the casinos, One Day at a Time.....................Marilyn L., AZ
HAPPY BIRTHDAY!I can't think of a better way to help celebrate Marilyn L.'s 10th birthday than by writing an article for Women Helping Women. Especially an article that is titled, "THINGS I'VE LEARNED FROM MARILYN." The problem is, where do I begin?
I attended my first GA meeting 5 years ago. That means that Marilyn had then about the same amount of time that I do now. Back then, 5 years seemed like decades to me. I was so totally in a fog, and Marilyn seemed the absolute paragon of serenity and wisdom. Because she is so committed to continually working her program, and always comes from honesty, open- mindedness and willingness, she still seems that way to me today.
Marilyn is an absolute pioneer in Arizona GA. She was one of the first women to enter our fellowship, and has a well-deserved position of respected seniority. She has tirelessly contributed over the years as sponsor, secretary, trustee and friend to hundreds who have come through the door. Here are some of the things she has taught me:
1) The real meaning of "one day at a time." Marilyn constantly reminds me that today is all I have. She's clear on the fact that we can do nothing to change what has gone before. So we truly can only decide, every day, the kind of person we choose to be for that one day.
2) To stay focused on my own program and not let other people's actions or comments negatively affect me. I should listen and try to learn from my fellows, but if something didn't work for me I should just leave it in the room. Building resentments against other people in the program doesn't do any good at all.
3) To remember "progress, not perfection." I've learned not to be so impatient from Marilyn, and to recognize and celebrate small achievements. I can work on one character defect at a time, and be aware of my subtle improvements. I can avoid getting frustrated with myself when I show up as a normal, fallible human being. Self-compassion is the word.
4) To be less co-dependent. Listening to and learning from Marilyn, taught me this important lesson. Letting go and letting God--particularly when it comes to the loved ones we'd all like to see change in some ways--has made my major relationships easier and stronger. If I know I can't control people, places or things, only me, I am gentler and more loving with others.
5) "You can't do it for me, but I can't do it without you." This is probably the biggest thing I've learned from Marilyn. It's religion to her. For me, a person who is shy at heart, and who has felt very isolated for long periods of my life, I have had a harder time with this one than most of the other lessons. But Marilyn is my role model and with time, thanks to her, I'll Grow in this area as well.
I could go on and on, but I don't want to miss the party. Happy TENTH, Marilyn. Thank you for being such a gift to me and to all of GA................................Carol R., AZ
| Another character asset Marilyn has in abundance is humility. She was reluctant to print Carol's tribute. Only when I pointed out that Carol's lessons are ones we all need to learn, did Marilyn agree this should be part of this month's WHW. B.C. |