Volume No. I, Issue No. 1                                             January 2000

  

Yes! We can help each other.

As an addiction treatment professional, I have frequently witnessed the pain women have suffered as a result of gambling addiction. Their history verifies their pain, with loses of self-esteem, family and friends. Major consequences, such as loss of employment, homes and marriages, are also part of gambling women's pain. For each woman, it is her nightmare, and she will need to process it over time, in order to overcome. Women can reach a plateau of self-awareness, and eventually even forgiveness, through the love and care of other recovering women.

More and more women are becoming mesmerized by gambling at machines. And more are beginning to recognize their problem--some before life's tragedies strike. In my experience, we owe this earlier awareness to the outreach and advocacy of women who have gone before. Women sharing their experience, strength and hope will always be a primary adjunct to another woman gambler coming to grips with the reality of her addiction. I frequently mention the courage of recovering women I know when a new client comes to me feeling hopeless and out of control.

I give my clients a list of Gamblers Anonymous meetings. Many compulsive gamblers initially respond to the idea of meetings with trepidation, and this applies to both genders, not just women. I can certainly relate to the fear of sharing in a group setting. "Will I be accepted or merely tolerated? Will the group perceive my ignorance of the problem and of the group process as lack of motivation, or perhaps denial? Will the group hear me as an individual, or might the members assess me as not having hit bottom yet and turn me out? Will they be compassionate and understand how the suffering tears at my soul?" These and countless other questions confront women initially seeking help with their gambling. The questions are part of the reason why women need, and are such strong support for, other women.

Life cycles produce major events, which sometimes are stressful and draw some to gambling. At first, they perceive it as an innocent and safe way to pass some time. Divorce, retirement, loss of a loved one --these and other events may provide another area of common ground. Women can take advantage of these similarities. I encourage women to continue to reach out to each other, to educate themselves about the addiction and to utilize community resources.

The personal progress I have witnessed as women work on recovery fosters the hope I am sharing here. Those women have been and continue to be an inspiration.

 

Bobbe McGinley is an addictions counselor specializing in chemical dependency and problem/compulsive gambling.

Read, Share, Listen and Learn

I gambled because I wanted to feel better about me. While gambling I could take off the mask and just be nothing for awhile.

I came to my first meeting knowing I did not want to stop gambling. I just wanted the consequences of my gambling to go away. My denial system told me that gambling wasn't the problem; other people were the problem. If only my employers would be more appreciative, I would not take money from them because I wouldn't have to gamble. Work was the problem, not my gambling. I went to meetings and could not embrace the concept of never gambling again; I definitely could not make that commitment. Someone way back when shared that you don't have to commit to never gambling again to go to meetings. They told me I could commit to listening to a better way of thinking. An addict's attitudes and behaviors are skewed. I could learn if I was willing to try a new path. When I started listening I realized that others had lived in the same insanity. I found hope. Then I got frustrated. I heard the same stories, the same sharing over and over again. I wanted growth. I knew I needed a sponsor, but I could not relate to the females in the program; I didn't want to bother them.

I found a counselor who understood compulsive gambling, and I told him of my frustration. He found me a long distance sponsor I could work with, and he asked me what I felt was missing from the meetings. I tried to explain. He said, "If you are not growing from a meeting you are not sharing what you need to share. Don't focus on what others are sharing; talk about what you need to talk about."

Today I go to meetings with a new attitude. I try very hard to listen instead of thinking about what I am going to say. I share what is going on with me today, what I am aware of today that I wasn't aware of when I was gambling. Now, I don't have to numb my life through gambling.

I want to recover instead of settling for not gambling. Another addiction will waylay me if I don't think differently and change my attitudes and behaviors. I want to deal with life on life's terms. I have to go to meetings and share with other addicts. I have to give away what I receive. Sponsoring others just beginning the journey helps me keep changing. Twelfth Step work is not a bother; it is a blessing. I draw strength from others and share my strength and hope with someone else. That is the magic of recovery, and that is why I continually learn, read, share and listen. That is why I will keep coming back, and I know the door is always open.

Together WE can, Alone I am helpless. Robin R., Arizona

After working my regular Saturday morning, I headed home to pack up for the casinos in Laughlin. Less than a mile from home, I noticed the odometer read 77,776 miles. A sign from my higher power! Driving into our circular driveway, I had 3/10 of a mile to go. I drove around a few times and the 6 became a 7! Oops, 77777.0.   No problem--several more circuits produced the magic number, and I backed to the front door. The dust in the driveway was 6 feet high but that was OK; Lady Luck was in my passenger seat. I ran into the house and screamed, "Tommie, Tommie, we're going to win this weekend! Quick, come see. The odometer is lined up with 6 sevens--a set for you and a set for me." So what if all the other good omens hadn't worked? Six 7s; this was it!