REACH OUT YOUR ARMS
An e-mail from a new member of the WHW E-mail Network prompted this reply from Ricky B., and any and all of us can benefit from what Ricky shared.
- We, as compulsive gamblers, have the ability to reach out to others in pain with this addiction, touch them, where "normal" people not suffering from this addiction cannot. We know how others feel; being totally consumed with gambling, the guilt, shame, low self-esteem, low self- confidence, even hating oneself – sometimes suicidal. Most of us don't judge, but accept the individual as an equal. We reach out our arms ready to hold that person allowing them to feel loved. This is why many individuals feel more comfortable and accepted with people in GA than they do they're own families.
Sometimes it’s difficult in the beginning to get a gambler to realize they have a problem, but that goes for any addict. If we are honest with ourselves, we love our addiction, it's fun! But, it will also destroy our lives, the people around us, and if we continue with it, it will destroy us.
- When I am on a crisis call (my job duties include manning a gambling hotline), many times I tell people my own story. I tell them the terrible things that happened to me when I was a child. I open up to them. This allows them to feel comfortable enough to talk to me. For people that are in denial; it often helps them to see just how bad this insidious disease can get and often they realize they too have a problem. I tell them; All it takes for recovery is to want it. But, you have to want it, because the bottom line is, you have to EARN it. If I can get recovery, you can too!
Projecting can be our worst enemy. Don't think, "I can't
gamble for the rest of my life." Think, "I can't gamble for today." There
were times when I had to think, "I can't gamble for this minute." That's why
the program tells us to live One Day at a Time. As my boss always tells me,
"Nothing wrong with planning, but don't plan the outcome...."
Help your sisters and your brothers (they really need it).
Peace and Love, Ricky B., AZ (Ricky celebrated 8 years free from gambling on Jan. 20, 2006.)
Thanks so much to our new reader from Oklahoma, for the generous donation towards the publishing cost of this newsletter. We appreciate you!
- ONE DAY AT A TIME, ADDS UP TO 3 YEARS
I began gambling as a "winner." I won a lot of money several times and thought that gambling was such an easy way to get some extra bucks! The money that I won went back, as did the money from my own pocket. I went into debt to pay for gambling and agreed to go to GA to get my partner off my back.
Let me tell you how good of a manipulator I am. I convinced my partner that I could stop gambling on my own, so it was agreed that I could stop going to those meetings, as long as I didn't gamble. I succeeded for a period of time. Not a very long period of time though. I lied about where I was (have to stay for a meeting-will call you when I get out). I called in sick to work or left work early. I used every scheme that I could to get to the casino.
Best of all, I would instigate arguments so I had an excuse to leave the house to "cool down." I cooled down at the casino and not at the park or bookstore that I said I was going to. I eventually lost everything that I had saved and ran up my credit cards to astronomical proportions. I ran myself into Chapter 13 bankruptcy. You have no idea how disappointed I was that the courts would not completely absolve me of my debts with a Chapter 7.
- I wanted to get rid of my debt more than I really wanted to stop gambling. You see, if I could get rid of my debt, everything would be OK again. I could continue to go to the casino occasionally. I would moderate my behavior. Yeah, right! Like I was able to moderate it before. That didn't happen though, and my debt was not completely wiped out like I had "planned" for it to be. Gambling took me to a depth that I never thought I could experience. Emotionally, spiritually, physically, and financially destroyed.
- That was 3 years ago (10-22-02). This is now. I regularly attend GA meetings because I want to go, not because I have to go. I have a 2nd job that is helping me get some financial relief. Financially, I have a future (if I don't gamble). My relationship is the strongest it has been in 27 years (hard work on both sides). I have renewed my old interests and have developed new ones (particularly golf!). Since I am not seated in front of a slot machine for hours on end, I seem to have more time. I have renewed my old friendships as well as made many new, strong, healthy friendships through GA. Life isn't perfect, but it is a heck of a lot better today than it was 3 years ago.
Three years didn't come all at once. It took 1095 single, individual days to get there. For the new WHW Network or GA members who are struggling so right now, take each day by itself, They do add up. Do whatever it takes to make it work. GA worked and works for me.
One day at a time. Barb K
YOU ARE NOT ALONE
--Hi and Welcome Janet to our little online family. We don't judge, lecture or criticize. Just hope to support and listen, as we all have been there; we all struggle with the same disease. I learned that no one really can understand the addiction unless you have felt the strong draw of gambling. The typical answer I received from folks was- just stop, don't go, or gosh..I can't understand how you could stay there and lose so much. Only if it was so easy...we could all spend our time in the spa...smiles.
For me, I thought the casino was just a nice place to spend an afternoon. Slowly I began spending more time, missing appointments, and desperately seeking back the money I lost. Wins meant just more time to play. If there is one feeling I always felt- Shame, with my inability to stop this madness. Finally, after some really close calls with insanity, bankruptcy and suicide, I got some help. Oh how I wish I could say the work with a therapist was magical- no, I still struggle, and occasionally fail. But I continue to work at it.As some of the awesome, wise women on the network have said- you got to do it day by day. Often that's too long for me- so I take it hour by hour, or minute by minute. I find I'm most vulnerable when I am tired, angry or lonely. So I try to be aware of these states.
It's funny that Susan D. noted I was Mary Sunshine- I feel I get my light and positive outlook from all the success stories of the women here in the group. Plus I know that there is a HP available for us all. I do admit that when I look outside of our dark addiction, wow there are so many neat things in life- it's like being freed from prison- lots of opportunities for smiles and hugs.
You are not alone in this struggle. The picture may look bleak, but just coming to our group shows you are brave enough to seek recovery. It's a really big step to admit a gambling problem. I don't have all the answers yet I know by sharing we can support and help one another. Thank you for trusting yourself and the group.
Hugs, Mary S
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