Volume No. III">

Volume No. III, Issue No.7                                                       July 2001

SEEKING HELP When I was 34, my husband and I went to Las Vegas to get married, and on our honeymoon night after ... well, you know ... I got dressed and spent the night in the casino. I didn't gamble again after that until I turned 36. Three casinos popped up, all within a 50-mile radius of me. I went gambling before work and sometimes wouldn't even make it to work. Other times, I would stop after work and get home late to feed my family. Always had an excuse. I turned into a big, fat liar. Everyone believed my amazingly articulate stories. I'm not proud of that, so please don't get me wrong. Gambling turned me into a person I didn't know. I lied to everyone around me. My whole life was a lie. I chased money and considered criminal acts. Gambling was more important than my husband, children, friends, family - anything.  I loved them all and, of course, didn't want to hurt them, but the drive of the addiction was so strong. It "made me do it." Before I knew it, I didn't know who I was or what was happening to me. My husband saw the change in my personality, but he didn't know why. I gambled for 2 ½ years without him ever knowing. He just knew he wanted his wife back. Thank God for my husband's love for me. My gambling also affected my children, 2 and 4, because their mommy wasn't with them in heart and spirit.  When thoughts of suicide frequented my mind, I decided something was very wrong and I needed some kind of help, even though I had always been very strong and responsible. Seeking help was difficult, but I did it. I called and got an appointment with a gambling counselor the very next day. I was a mess. Crying constantly, yet happy to be talking to someone who understood. We called my husband and he came to meet with us. I sat there and told him everything I could think of. All the lies I told him, the balance on our credit cards, plus more credit cards he didn't know we had. He was furious; I just knew he was going to leave me. I started Gamblers Anonymous in the most desperate state of my life. I cried so hard at my first meeting and left there still feeling hopeless. I hated gambling and what it had done to my life. I worked desperately trying to grasp the program. I made it 30 days and went gambling again. Then I'd make it 60 days and go gamble again ... 90 days and gamble again. And so on. All the while, struggling to grasp the program. I put myself through treatment for 6 weeks, 5 nights a week. Still found myself gambling once in awhile. I continue to work the program, and giving my will and my life over to the care of God is so hard. I know when I am able to do that in all honesty, then I can stop gambling—one day at a time. Until I'm ready, I continue to work the program the best I can. I'm working hard to change my behavior and have, in most respects, become the person I was before. My relapses here and there have impacted certain areas but, fact is, I'm still trying to recover. Hang in there, women. In recovery I have found issues I really don't want to face. That is the hardest of all, and that is probably what keeps me going back. Thank you for listening......................God Bless You All, Vicki J., KS

As an experienced professional in the treatment of compulsive gamblers and a Nationally Certified Gambling Counselor, we found Katherine Wilson a natural choice when we wanted to ask someone to write an article for WHW on the benefits of counseling for women seeking recovery from compulsive gambling. How Counseling Can Help Women Gamblers in Recovery Katherine K. Wilson, Ph.D.In addition to attending GA, many women gamblers seek the help of a professional counselor. A well- trained mental health professional, who is experienced in the treatment of problem gambling, can make significant contributions to the growth and recovery of the compulsive gambler. After an extended time in the throes of compulsive gambling, most women gamblers enter recovery in a "fog." Many women state, "I feel like two different people … I used to be so responsible … and then I started gambling . . . what happened to me?" Many report that when they look in the mirror they no longer recognize themselves. Women in early recovery often feel depressed, fearful, wounded, and ashamed. They may also feel hurt and anger toward family members and friends who no longer trust them. A good Counselor provides support, a safe place to open up, and education and knowledge about compulsive gambling, identified as "pathological" gambling by mental health professionals. When appropriate, the Counselor involves family members of the gambler in the counseling process. From counseling the gambler learns effective recovery strategies, including combating urges and establishing and maintaining abstinence from gambling. During therapy the recovering woman gambler identifies patterns of thinking and behavior that stand in the way of long-term recovery. She receives training in how to prevent a relapse. The client focuses on alternatives to gambling, and she learns new coping skills. Together, the Counselor and the client explore spiritual development. Gradually, the woman gambler emerges from the fog. She realizes she is not a bad person; she recognizes and accepts that she is a person with a problem—compulsive gambling. Frequently, women gamblers have suffered traumatic experiences such as abuse or major personal losses, like the death of someone close. Sometimes the feelings resulting from these experiences contribute to the development of a gambling problem. The Counselor assists in identifying unresolved issues, and with the Counselor's help and support the client begins to address and work through painful feelings she has avoided and numbed by gambling. Many women gamblers have spent so much of their lives taking care of and pleasing others they have lost sight of their own identities. These women ask "who am I?" The Counselor helps the gambler explore the answer to this question and arrive at a clear sense of self-identity. A woman may need to address various issues such as career development or assertiveness in relationships in the process of self- exploration. By the time the woman gambler completes counseling, she has a strong commitment to her well-being and a clear roadmap for ongoing recovery. She no longer feels confused about who she is. Perhaps she has begun to repair and rebuild relationships damaged by gambling. In addition to coping well with various stressors in her own life, she frequently chooses to reach out and offer support to others who have a gambling problem. She may assume a leadership role in Gamblers Anonymous or serve as a sponsor to others in the program. By the completion of counseling, the recovering woman gambler experiences stronger feelings of self-esteem and self-worth; her life is balanced—with time for work, relationships and fun. Katherine K. Wilson, Ph.D., N.C.G.C. Arizona WinWay Center for Gambling Recovery, PLC 480-967-2WIN (967-2946)

At a recent GA meeting celebrating 3 birthdays (including WHW contributor, Wanda W.'s 5th!), our precious GamAnon brother Spence W. read the following from the GamAnon literature. The message of this reading is one we all need to keep upper-most in our minds every single day. Thank you for the reminder, Spence.

YESTERDAY, TODAY AND TOMORROW There are two days in every week about which we should not worry; two days which should be kept free from fear and apprehension. One of these days is yesterday with its mistakes and cares, its faults and blunders, its aches and pains. All the money in the world cannot bring back yesterday. Yesterday has passed forever beyond our control. We cannot undo a single act we performed. We cannot erase a single word we said. Yesterday is gone. The other day we should not worry about is tomorrow with its possible adversities, its burdens, its large promise or poor performance. Tomorrow is also beyond our immediate control. Tomorrow's sun will rise, either in splendor or behind a mask of clouds ... but it will rise. Until it does, we have no stake in tomorrow, for it is yet unborn. This leaves only one day ... TODAY. Any person can fight the battles of just one day. It is only when you and I add the burdens of these two awful eternities - yesterday and tomorrow - that we break down. It is not the experience of today that drives people mad - it is the remorse or bitterness of something which happened yesterday and the dread of what tomorrow may bring. Let us, therefore, LIVE BUT ONE DAY AT A TIME.

We want to mention a word of thanks to the 'gals from Globe' for their kind donation towards printing costs of the Newsletter.  Thank you.