Volume No. IV, Issue No. 7                                             July  2002

My compulsive gambling journey started in 1993 with the opening of the first casino in my state. I had gambled all of my adult life on one thing or another, cards, horses, dogs, tickets, etc. It was always recreational.

My first trip to the Connecticut casino, I brought $30. By 1995 I had spent all of my savings, cashed in two CD's, withdrawn all of my annuity and maxed out 17 credit cards. I was delinquent on all normal living expenses and was in trouble with the IRS and the State Tax Department.

I thought it was a financial problem and went to consumer credit counseling service. I was told, after a 2-hour meeting, that it appeared my only option was to file bankruptcy and to seek help for my gambling problem. Gambling problem! No one had ever said that to me.

I drove home and paced back and forth for hours. I called the GA hotline. I went to a meeting and attended for about 6 months. I decided I wasn't like the other people in the GA room. I knew I could gamble normally now. So I did. Six months later I was gambling out of control again.

One particular Saturday I gambled all night. By 7 a.m. Sunday, I knew I would be late for a family party. I drove 90 mph to get home by 8 a.m. I scrubbed my blackened slot machine hands, brushed my teeth, and threw on a quick outfit.

My mother, sister and daughter-in-law were waiting for me in a parking lot, as I had previously agreed to drive to the party in Rhode Island. Now I had to drive 2 hours on this hot summer morning. When we arrived at the party and I got out of the car, I looked in the mirror. I looked awful. My outfit was mismatched, my hair wasn't done, my nails were a mess, and I felt sick. Everybody else looked so bright and happy on this very special, joyous occasion.

I made it through the day, but now I had to make the 2-hour drive home. Summertime beach traffic at 5 p.m. on Highway 95. My passengers all chatting about the wonderful day. Their voices droning in and out of my head. I was so tired. I hadn't slept in over 36 hours. I couldn't tell my family why I was so tired. They thought I still attended GA.

I fell asleep behind the wheel. It was a nanosecond of time. I kept on driving. I nodded off countless times, never saying a word. I prayed to God to let me make it home; after all, it wasn't their fault. We made it home.

I called the next day for an appointment at the Compulsive Gambling Treatment Program and went back to GA. I knew I was just like everybody else in that GA room. I had a gambling problem. I thank God every day for GA and the Compulsive Gambling Treatment Program.

Today I have abstinence (last bet 09/19/96) and, more importantly, I found recovery.

Judith N., Connecticut

by your faithful editor, Betty

I must confess that, when I first came to GA, I considered most of the 12-step slogans I heard just that ... slogans. Cute and catchy, yes, but not all that meaningful. Was I ever wrong! I vividly remember thinking on many occasions, "‘One day at a time’ ... sounds good, but nobody can actually live that way!" Through the inevitable growth that comes with recovery, "One Day at a Time" has become a way of life; frankly, I don’t know how I muddled through life before I adopted this slogan as "words to live by."

The slogan you’ll see more often than not beneath WHW’s masthead is: "You can’t do it for me, but I can’t do it without you." Marilyn (your ULTRA-faithful publisher) and I fervently believe these words as regards recovery from compulsive gambling, hence their frequent appearance. With that in mind, the two of us have batted around ideas for 3 or 4 months, trying to come up with a plan to connect readers hungry to correspond with other women wrestling with gambling.

Unlike Marilyn, I’m not a computer whiz, so the following suggestion may be unwieldy. If you have suggestions to improve on this proposal, please share them with me! Marilyn and I will collaborate to get things rolling, but I’ll handle the daily "nuts and bolts," as Marilyn’s plate is already heaped to overflowing!

We propose that any woman wishing to connect with others e-mail certain information to me (bettyc_redux@juno.com). Required information would include:

First name: (Your real name, please; it’s a program of honesty.)

• Age:
• Occupation: (i.e. homemaker, doctor, CNA, admin. asst., assembly worker, CEO—at least a general idea)
• Type of gambling that was: (is?) your downfall (i.e. slots, video poker, pull-tabs, day trading, lottery,internet!)
• Date of last bet: (Remember ... honesty.)
• E-mail address: (so I can ‘cut and paste’ to save typing and avoid making a mistake!)

We believe the above information, at a minimum, is required to connect a woman with one or more women to whom she thinks she can relate. If you want to be included on the list, please briefly indicate what factors are most important to you in developing a mutually beneficial correspondence. Be brief!

• If you so desire, you may include information such as the following:
• Marital status, number/ages of children, etc.
• Ethnicity (I have observed in meetings that different cultures often engender different attitudes/approaches to recovery.)
• Geographical location (in general or as specific as your comfort level allows)
• Nearest GA meetings
• Anything else? Remember, your suggestions are welcome!

Please edit your own entry down as much as you can; if you don’t, I’ll have to; valuable info may fall prey to my "blue pencil"! I envision just stringing the info out in a few lines in a word processing document, from which I will then "cut and paste."

Just as an example, here is the entry I would send in:

• Betty; 55;
• freelance writer/retiree;
• slots; Oct. 6 ‘99;
• Bettyc_redux@juno.com; long-divorced;
• rural AZ;
• GA-1 hr. N or 1.5 hrs.
• NE. Hope to meet C.G.s of similar age with a good sense of the ridiculous!

Try to limit your info to 3 lines, 4 at most.

While the list is small, I will simply list women as I receive the information. Later, if it grows, I may have to "sort" the list into categories to keep it manageable. Hopefully, the appropriate categories will reveal themselves at the appropriate time! And now a word of caution ....

While the list I’ve been rambling on about will only pass from woman to woman via e-mail, this newsletter is "on the ‘net"! What you’re reading now is accessible to anyone and everyone, around the world and across the street. Marilyn and I devoutly hope it will never happen, but an "imposter" is not an impossibility. We’ve all heard cautionary tales about unscrupulous people preying on vulnerable women (men too, for that matter!) via the Internet. Please exercise an appropriate degree of caution. In other words, "Easy Does It." And about those slogans ....

If you want to see how some of the most prevalent 12-step slogans apply to "real life," I recommend a booklet named "The Slogans" by an AA gentleman named Mel B. If you’re interested, e-mail me, and I’ll send ordering info.

Marilyn and I are hopeful that something very positive for our readership can develop from this proposed "list." This seems like a pretty rough beginning, but it is a beginning. "First Things First!" ................Betty C., Editor

Don Hulen, Director of the AZ Council on Compulsive Gambling and valued GA brother—yes, a

WOMEN

They came around awhile ago,
So I’ve been told before,
But in ‘89 there were none ‘cept one
When I walked in the door.

She wasn’t like the rest of us.
She didn’t seem to fit.
I don’t recall her story,
Though I saw her quite a bit.

With black jack, cards and dice
Thriving that November,
Some crossed the line and came around
but never stayed, as I remember.

Now and then a local one came
Who played Nevada slots too much.
Compulsive gamblers? I doubted it.
For them GA was just a crutch.

They didn’t even know
The line, or what to "cover" meant,
Much less a bookie’s number!
They didn’t have a hint.

The terms "juice" or "vig" they did not use,
Loan sharks they did not know.
Most did not swear nor use the terms:
To win, to place, to show.

Then one came who wouldn’t leave.
She just showed up one day.
Some, like me, tried our best,
But she wouldn’t go away.

Some said, "You haven’t lost enough.
You played slots, how funny!
Any monkey can pull a handle;
You’re not a gambler, honey."

I heard a tough guy tell her once,
(And I thought, for sure, she’d run)
"I once tipped a dealer
More than you have ever won!"

When she wouldn’t go, I listened
And learned when she would talk.
And soon I and others saw,
This lady walked the walk.

Then, in ninety-two,
Four of them plotted and made plan.
"We’re going to start a meeting,
With not one single man."

Some of us knew back then
That all four were deranged!
I, for one, was certain
That nothing should be changed.

"The rest," we know, "is history."
Their changes paved the way
For a more peaceful, loving program.
That’s the way it’s done today.

So Marilyn, Dolly, Frieda, Sandra—
I want to say to you,
Thank you for teaching me and others
These ten years since ninety-two.

I will forever be grateful.............Don

We thank the gal from Yuma, AZ, Michigan, and from
Washington for their generous contributions to the Newsletter.