Publisher:  Marilyn Lancelot   

Vol. IX  Issue No. 7            July 2007        

       E-mail:     mslancelot@cox.net
       
 
MORE Magazine, a national women's magazine is inviting you:
 
A reporter for MORE Magazine is researching an article on women who have battled an Internet gambling addiction. The article aims to tell the story of women who have successfully overcome an Internet gambling addiction in order to promote better understanding of this important issue and help other women who are dealing with addiction.

The reporter is looking for women who would like to share their stories with other women by participating in the article. Specifically, she is looking for women in their 40s who were negatively affected by an Internet gambling addiction (both financially and personally), but have since beaten the addiction.
To share your story please contact: allison.baker@meredith.com
       
     
            In the Shadows…

I was broken and without hope when I first arrived at Gamblers Anonymous seven years ago. The VLT machines had kicked my butt all over the place and shredded my self-esteem into a zillion little pieces. I was lost and lonely and feeling less-than-lovable to say the least. And so, when an attractive, long-time male member took notice of me… I was ecstatic! Especially one who quoted scripture – He must be a Saint!!! And when he told me I was beautiful and smart – Surely I’d died and gone to Heaven!!! His words were like healing balm to my broken heart and soul. Or so it seemed…

Sadly, just as there are predators lurking in schools, churches, computers and just about anywhere else two or more are gathered these days, scoundrels such as these can be found in the 12-step program. Needy, vulnerable newcomers make for easy prey… We stumble through the door still enveloped in the fog of our addiction – thick and all consuming, clouding our better judgement – and we somehow assume we are entering a safe haven filled with Saints. Please believe me - not everyone on the other side of that door is a Saint.

The vast majority of the fellowship is there for the right reasons – to climb the 12 steps of Recovery and to share their experience, strength and hope with the newcomer. I have an amazing Sponsor and many amazing friends in the program. For the most part, Gamblers Anonymous is in fact a safe haven. But because there are some predators lurking about in the shadows, in order for the new member to protect him or herself, I strongly suggest they stick with persons of the same gender, at least in the beginning. Talk to people. Find out who is trustworthy and who is not. Listen to your intuition. Exercise caution when forming new relationships and don’t get carried away by a compliment. Get yourself a sponsor – someone with a solid program and a solid reputation, preferably of the same gender. After several months in the program the fog of addiction should begin to lift, and before long you will be able to see clearly and make sound decisions (and detect those predators lurking in the shadows).

I left the fellowship almost permanently to wallow in self-pity and resentment after my hurtful experience. Thank God I sought outside help, learning in private therapy that I had undergone what is referred to as "Transference" – the transferring of feelings (or in my case, my addiction) from one person or thing to another, usually to a person in a position of trust. Of course, the person in trust is expected to have enough integrity to swiftly remedy such an occurrence, and is certainly not expected to be the instigator. By some miracle, this revelation allowed me to survive the ordeal without relapsing into my addiction.

Almost seven years later, I received an amends from the male member who had hurt me. The last little piece of my wound was healed that day, and I’ve been able to put it behind me once and for all. I talk about it today for the benefit of others, for my vulnerable sisters who come stumbling through the door just as I did July 1, 2000. It is difficult enough to recover from an insidious addiction without an additional element of chaos to contend with! I admire this individual for owning his mistake and I commend him for the courage it must have taken to apologize.

I am now in the process of having a warning placed in the “Little Yellow Book” – the most commonly used piece of GA program literature. Sadly, it is proving to be quite a challenge; however, I do remain hopeful that it will one day soon be taken care of. I feel it absolutely essential, not to mention a moral obligation, to have every safety measure in place to protect the newcomer. It seems only fitting, after all, to provide the safest possible environment in which to begin the healing process…

RECOVERY IS A BEAUTIFUL THING

THE TWELVE STEPS LEADING TO RECOVERY…
A BEAUTIFUL THING

I hope you find your door. And may that door open up to reveal a world of good things for you… friendship that will teach you to smile again, freedom that will give you wings, forgiveness that will make your heart sing, and an amazing serenity that will lift you up and never let you down…

~ Joan S. in Alberta Canada
 
Joan is the author of "A Place Where Weeds & Roses Grow" - check it out in "Suggested Reading" at the left hand side of your screen...
 
        

 

WOMEN'S GA MEETING CELEBRATES 15 YEARS!

June 19, 2007 was the 15th anniversary of the Gamblers Anonymous Women's Meeting in Phoenix, AZ.  The anniversary was celebrated on June 22 at their Friday night meeting.  It was an open meeting and we had about 60 members in attendance and 12 of them were men.  We had a huge mouth-watering pot-luck and twelve past secretaries of the group were at that meeting.  Today we have an average of 15 to 20 at each Friday meeting.  Also, I have copied a poem written by Don H., a GA member, on his description of the female gambler.  Don Hulen, Director of the AZ Council on Compulsive Gambling and valued GA brother—yes, a man—authored the following. He stole a few minutes from his hectic day to write this tribute, which he shared that night at the 10th anniversary celebration of the Phoenix women’s GA meeting. Don is a tireless supporter of and enthusiastic cheerleader for the women’s meeting!    

Thank you, Brother.

 

        
                         
WOMEN              
They came around awhile ago,
So I’ve been told before,
        But in ‘89 there were none ‘cept one
When I walked in the door.
She wasn’t like the rest of us.
She didn’t seem to fit.
I don’t recall her story,
Though I saw her quite a bit.
                                  With black jack, cards and dice
                                   Thriving that November,
                                 Some crossed the line and came around
                     but never stayed, as I remember.
                       Now and then a local one came
                                        Who played Nevada slots too much.
                                          Compulsive gamblers? I doubted it.
                             For them GA was just a crutch.
They didn’t even know
The line, or what to "cover" meant,
Much less a bookie’s number!
They didn’t have a hint.
The terms "juice" or "vig" they did not use,
Loan sharks they did not know.
Most did not swear nor use the terms:
To win, to place, to show.
Then one came who wouldn’t leave.
She just showed up one day.
Some, like me, tried our best,
But she wouldn’t go away.
Some said, "You haven’t lost enough.
You played slots, how funny!
Any monkey can pull a handle;
You’re not a gambler, honey."
I heard a tough guy tell her once,
(And I thought, for sure, she’d run)
"I once tipped a dealer
More than you have ever won!"
When she wouldn’t go, I listened
And learned when she would talk.
And soon I and others saw,
This lady walked the walk.
Then, in ninety-two,
Four of them plotted and made plan.
"We’re going to start a meeting,
With not one single man."
Some of us knew back then
That all four were deranged!
I, for one, was certain
That nothing should be changed.
"The rest," we know, "is history."
Their changes paved the way
For a more peaceful, loving program.
That’s the way it’s done today.
So Marilyn, Dolly, Frieda, Sandra—
I want to say to you,
Thank you for teaching me and others
These ten years since ninety-two.

I will forever be grateful~~~~~~~~~~Don. H.

 

 

        

 

EXAMINING AN OPPORTUNITY TO MAKE CHANGE

By Bobbe McGinley
Clinical Director/CEO of ACT – Counseling & Education

For the Loved One of a Gambler

“It is often painful life events that cause people to enter into self-examination.” Let us take a look at this opportunity to assess a chance for change, a beginning of a Spiritual journey. A spiritual component in your life can help you to find meaning, peace, and joy. It can include informal and personal explorations of an inner life in attempts to lend depth and meaning to an outer life. Spirituality means looking at yourself and your life in order to find the answers to big questions such as, “Why am I here?” “Why is this happening to me?” “What am I meant to do in life?” or “How can I make a difference?”

Very often, when you experience pain in your life, such as dealing with the stresses imposed by loving a compulsive gambler, you are given the opportunity to look beyond the daily details of existence and consider larger questions of the heart. It is often painful life events that cause people to enter into self-examination. Perhaps you already have a strong spiritual component in your life. If so, it can offer a lifeline of strength and hope to your feelings of frustration. Tap into it regularly.

If there is no spiritual aspect present in your life right now, you are in a position to do something that can bring you emotional relief. The presence of spirituality can provide a sense of comfort in areas that can lead to improved physical and emotional health.

Activities for Adding Spirituality to Your Life

* Sign up for a class on a spiritual or philosophical topic at a local college.
* Attend a place of worship that you may not have been to for a while or try a new place.
* Attend a self-help support group, such as Gam-Anon.
* Join a meditation group.
* Take a yoga class.
* Read a book on a spiritual topic.
* Spend time with nature, in peaceful surroundings, where you can think and reflect.

Pray. You do not have to believe in God to pray. Prayer can be a personal avenue to a higher spirit or power—a connection with something larger than you. You can pray for understanding, strength, fortitude, compassion, guidance, clarity, etc. You can pray for others. Prayer will focus your thoughts and channel your emotional energy. It works.

Look inside yourself. What do you feel about your place in life? What is causing you pain? What does your heart tell you? At some level, deep inside, you know all the answers for your life. Listen to your heart as well as your mind.

Imagine. Create a vision of what you want your life to be. Fill it with details, with people and events. What do you see for your future? Visit this vision at least once a day. Your thoughts are the first steps to change. Your thoughts become words. Your words become actions. Your actions can change your life. Imagine!

For the Gambler

You are a unique individual and your gambling problem has a set of distinctive issues, specific to your life. Fortunately there are several ways to approach recovery that will help regardless of your situation and that you can customize to suit your needs.

In addition to a spiritual understanding of yourself and possible change, another approach to recovery is to work with a therapist trained in understanding the problems of gamblers.

Changing your life has many facets and two major components. One, you will work on fixing the problems you have created in the past, and two, you will create a new way of living for the future. Fixing the problems you have created in the past requires a lot of work before you can move forward. You may have already thought about some of the issues you need to attend to including:

* Managing your finances.
* Addressing legal problems.
* Mending personal/professional relationships.

As you build new ways of living and create a new future for yourself, you will also learn about:

* Finding ways to manage stress in your life.
* The importance of staying physically healthy.

        
                           
Gripped by Gambling.  
I have a new website   www.grippedbygambling.com  with information about my book.  The site contains an autobiography with some photos of special times in my life.  The book is available at Wheatmark.com/bookstore or call 1-888-934-0888 x3,  Amazon.com,  Borders.com, BarnesandNoble.com,  BooksAMillion.com, etc. It can be ordered by the title, author or Isbn # 978-1-58736-770-0. Gifts Anon stores in Phoenix and Scottsdale are stocking  the book. Marilyn Lancelot , AZ    mslancelot@cox.net  
       

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