Volume No. III, Issue No.6                                                       June 2001
curly.jpg (7250 bytes)... prison, insanity or death."

Hello, my name is Beth. I am a 35-year-old mother of 3 and stepmother of 2. I wanted to write about what happened to me, because it may help others not to become like myself.

I started like so many others. Going to the casinos every now and then, spending a small amount of money. The more times I won, the more times I would visit the casino. I had my favorite machines that I played. I would actually get upset if I went in and someone else was playing MY machine.

At times my husband would go to the casinos with me. I would give him some money and he would go off and play. See, this way he never saw how much money I was putting into the machines. My gambling reached the point that I could no longer afford to go to the casino. My credit cards were maxed and my savings account drained.

My life took a dramatic turn at that point. I began to steal money from my place of employment. I needed to be at the casino. I did this over a period of about 2 years. Then, in August of 1999 I was caught stealing. I was terminated from my job. During the whole legal process I remained out of jail. I found a new job.

Of course, because of my actions, my husband and I lost many of our possessions. While all this was taking place, I was still denying that a problem existed. Not until I was sentenced to a prison term did I tell my husband, family and friends that I had a gambling problem.

At that point my husband made some phone calls. He was put in touch with a very special woman who gave him the much needed information to help him and to help me. I also was fortunate enough to meet this woman whose dedication has made it possible for us to see that there is help available. 

I have attended groups here in prison and I have turned my life around.  I'm looking forward to the day I can attend groups with the special woman who showed me the way to recovery. Most of all I thank my husband who has never given up on me and continues to support and encourage me.................................Beth P., AZ

One of our readers who got in touch via WHW's website agreed to let us share some of her correspondence with Marilyn with the whole readership; we believe Patsy's circumstances and determination may help others who seem to have no place to turn.

 

DETERMINATION
 

. . .We have made a commitment to only 2 GA meetings a week, Mon. and Sat. But if we build it they will come.  I have some questions and worries about our newness at this, but feel real confidence and awareness!!!

We had our first meeting of Gamblers Anonymous tonight.  It was good; we 3 women of AA came together and are trying to make the connection.  But we were kinda floundering for awhile. I mean, none of us have any amount of gambling abstinence, and we don't know quite where to take our routine, you know.

We have the starter kit, and we committed to (for me anyway) total abstinence.   But beyond that we, as a group, are pretty unsure.  We met at 7 pm and ended up staying until almost 10- so we really did start to warm up and open up!!  There was open honesty and sharing -which did my heart good.  I am putting the meeting times in the local paper tomorrow, and I know that our fellow gambling addicts will come, eventually.

For now I am probably going to be relying on the Internet a great deal for my early recovery.  I am starting to get an inkling of the miracles of which you speak. Just these last few days of abstinence and reaching out to friends like you have made such a world of difference!

This gambling thing had me in its monstrous grip like a damned Rottweiler.   Tearing at my very soul.  The obsession was ALWAYS with me.  I had to lock myself in my house for the entire weekend because I could not trust myself.

But I talked (thru e-mails) to people working on their recovery, took to heart their experience, strength and hope.  And I have a new resolve which I never thought possible.  Please pray for us poor addicted souls here in the frozen north; we are so new at this, but being brave and forthright!!!  Thank you, dear Marilyn.

...After our first meeting on Monday I had so many thoughts racing thru my head; I finally gave up on sleep and came downstairs and logged on to your wonderful website.   I sat here and read every story and article from every past issue. What an inspiration!!!

I finally finished reading about 4 am, but instead of the exhaustion and defeat I have been suffering from, I felt RELEASE!!!   I am trying not to project too far into the future (one day at a time) but I know now that I can break free from this obsession to gamble.

I have felt such shame, embarrassment and despair that I was never brave enough to ask for a sponsor for my AA program of recovery.  I met with my new sponsor yesterday. Felt such love and empathy.  What relief honesty can bring about. I think that women helping other women can be one of the most powerful forces on this Earth, and I end this note again thanking you from my very soul......Talk to you soon... Patsy M., Alaska
When I went to the Gambling Treatment Program at the VA Hospital in Brecksville, Ohio.  B.J., the hospital chaplain, had the following posted in strategic locations.  I certainly never want to replace the Serenity Prayer, but this variation has served many times!  GOD, Grant me the serenity to accept the people I cannot change, the courage to change the one I can and the wisdom to know it's me."................................ from bc.
Why I Keep Coming Back 

  I'm celebrating my 6th GA birthday this week.  Six years of abstinence have certainly worked the miracles promised by the program.  There is no comparison between my life today and the misery that consumed it 6 years ago.

All of my bank accounts--spiritual, mental, emotional, physical and financial--are overflowing today, and they were bankrupt when I entered GA.  So if things are so great, why do I still need GA? If those insane days are so far behind me now, why do I spend all that time and energy staying active in the fellowship?  Bottom line, why do I still try hard to attend "one full meeting per week"?

My answer seems straight-forward at first. It is because I want to maintain my abstinence.  Among other things, the Combo Book tells me that "meetings make it."  The number one piece of advise given to newcomers remains come to meetings.

But there is a more subtle and, to me, absolutely critical point here.  Let's review the definition of gambling:  "Any betting or wagering ... whether for money or not ...where the outcome is uncertain or depends upon chance or "skill' constitutes gambling."  If I have admitted that I am a compulsive gambler, and if I believe that it is an emotional illness that cannot be cured, then am I not wagering my abstinence if I decide not to attend meetings?  Have I not technically and actually broken my abstinence, not by the act of placing a bet, but by the decision to not attend meetings?

Do you see my point?  If meetings make it, and if all the statistics show that people who regularly attend GA have far fewer relapses than those who go it alone, isn't the decision to not attend meetings actually a bet that I can maintain abstinence on my own?

So, I keep going to meetings because I believe that not attending breaks my abstinence.   I don't believe that this is the way GA looks at things.  And I'm not trying to say that folks who don't attend meetings should be treated as if they have truly relapsed--after all, placing a bet, physically or mentally, is what triggers the sickness.   I'm just making a point to myself about what is at stake for me.

I'm using this line of reasoning to reinforce my commitment to the program.  As low as I was 6 years ago, I want all the insurance I can get that the pain and agony I left behind stay behind me.  If this argument works for you too, that's great. If not, that's okay, too!!  Just keep coming back.................................Carol R., AZ