ENERGIZING
RECOVERYI began gambling in 1995 after a string of personal tragedies,
including my best friend’s murder and the sudden death of my 22-month-old
nephew. By the end of 1995, I was aware that I had a problem.
I continued to gamble for 6 years and destroyed my finances, physical and
emotional health, and self-esteem; I lost my will to live. At that point, I
started attending church and making small efforts towards my recovery. On
Christmas Day 2001, I signed myself off the casinos.
After about 6 weeks, I started driving 2 hours to gamble across the state
line. My efforts to quit weren’t working, and the gambling ramifications
were overwhelming.
I got involved in GA & WHW in January 2003. I continued to have relapses
here and there but kept attending GA and stayed involved in the Network. My
relapses became more and more infrequent. I recently celebrated a 90-day
mark, without any form of betting, for the first time since 1995.
Gambling cost me hundreds of thousands of dollars, but that doesn't compare
to what it cost me spiritually, morally and emotionally. Here are just a few
of the blessings recovery has brought me:
- My bills are being paid on time and I’ve repaid all loans from friends.
- In the past 2 years, I’ve decreased my debt by more than $40,000.
- As part of my annual raise, my employer is paying for my weekly therapy
sessions, in lieu of cash. This was my request, so the expense of therapy
wouldn’t deter me. With my therapist, I’m doing extensive step work, and I’m
feeling emotionally healthy for the first time in more than 10 years.
- For 7 years, I had a serious sleep disorder; I now get at least 7 hours of
sleep every night.
- I’m no longer late for work, my apartment is clean, and I’ve found
balance.
- I’m making friends, exercising, and having fun.
- I look healthier and happier, and people around me notice.
Recovery from this addiction isn’t easy and compulsive gambling can't be
"WISHED AWAY." Believe me, I tried! I’ve had to put as much energy into my
recovery as I used to put into my gambling.
I take it one day at a time, live the Serenity Prayer and reach out to
others in recovery. I feel it’s important to hear about the positive changes
that take place in our lives once we stop gambling. I compare it to the
"after" picture of one of those amazing before and after make-overs.
One day at a time, I'm seeing the blessings of recovery. My thanks to all of
you on the Network for your prayers, support and guidance towards recovery.
I'm looking forward to putting many more "one day at a time's" together.
Love, Terri M., Kansas
BAD NEWS - GOOD NEWS
I started gambling as a lark and it turned into a hell. It overtook all
aspects of my life. I would leave work early or not go in at all. I spent
entire days in the casino. It eventually got to the point that I could not
go a single day without some sort of gambling.
If it wasn't the casino (because I couldn't explain my whereabouts), it was
the dog track or lottery tickets or scratch-off tickets, or anything that
would bring the thrill of winning into my life. Unfortunately, as you know,
winning didn't keep the thrill going. If I won - and I ‘won’ a lot of money
- I would sit there until I gave it all back; if it was a great deal of
money, I lost it back within a few days.
Sometimes, I would even pay off some of the credit cards, only to have them
raise my limit. I was such a good customer! Of course I would cash advance
them back to the new and higher limit. My gambling took me to bankruptcy and
emotional/spiritual despair.
It all came crashing down on my head a little over a year ago. Today, my
life is nothing like it was. I am extremely grateful for the support that I
have received, the suggestions that I have been given by people who have
been successful in recovery, and the availability of a multitude of GA
meetings that I can attend. My sponsor is an older gentleman with 8 years of
recovery under his belt. His example is invaluable to me.
I am about to embark on another task in my recovery: talking to my family
about what I did to myself for approximately 7 years, and about this past
year. It seems that my family calls a great deal when I am at meetings, and
my partner has been telling them that I am at the grocery store. They must
think that I do a lot of shopping! If I shopped that much I would be much
bigger than my chubby self actually is!!
I want to let my family know that I have had a huge problem and that I am on
the road to recovery. Tell them that, as my sponsor says, I have some "good
news and some bad news, let's start with the bad news and then I will tell
you the good news"!
We are all going up to the river for the upcoming holiday. I’m going with my
sister and brother-in-law. I plan on talking to them and then to my mother
the following day, if the timing is right. In reality, there is no good time
to tell your mother that you are an addict :) !!
I plan on taking some GA and Gam-Anon material for them to read, so they can
learn a little bit more about what compulsive gambling is and the what the
recovery program is about. This is what has been weighing on my heart. Barb
K., Florida
THE POWER OF THE ADDICTION by Connie Hillman
Some individuals who make a decision to go to Gamblers Anonymous are
under the impression that the program is going to be the ‘magic bullet.’
They may say, "Now that I have made this huge step, all my problems will be
solved." They may think they will get the exact information needed to solve
their financial problems.
A ‘magic bullet’ would fix other problem areas too. "The family will finally
understand, support my decision, and get off my back." "I will learn why I
gamble and never set foot in a casino, place a bet, buy a lottery ticket, or
have an urge to gamble again!"
In working the recovery program, compulsive gamblers often do learn ‘why’
they gamble, but knowing why doesn’t constitute a ‘magic bullet.’ As the GA
Combo Book tells us, this addiction can be arrested, but there is no cure. A
compulsive gambler who tells herself, "It’s all behind me; now I can go to
my old haunts and hang with my gambling friends because I have found out WHY
I gamble," is practicing self-sabotage.
Some common misconceptions that quite a few people have about the program
are paraphrased above. Individuals with a gambling addiction all have
predisposing factors in their lives that place them at greater risk to
engage in a self-defeating behavior. The goal of individuals seeking
recovery is to ‘own’ those predisposing factors and not blame their
circumstances. They need to become responsible and accountable to self and
others.
Not only do gamblers set themselves up for failure, but others sometimes
enable the process. This double whammy can occur both before and after a
gambler goes to GA and/or pursues other resources for help. Here are some
common scenarios: PRIOR to seeking help
Self-sabotage
Enabling by other(s)
Denial - I’m not ‘lying.’ The elephant isn’t in the living room.
Minimizing - I don’t bet/owe as much as ... We’ll catch up next payday.
Promises - I will stop. This time will be different.
AFTER starting meetings/other help
elf-sabotage Enabling by other(s)
Comparison - I never did THAT! They did WHAT?
Judging - They really need to stop. If those people are THAT BAD, find a
different meeting.
Complaining - The meeting is too long, If you need to go that often, and
that’s all they talk about, you might as well be gambling.
Uniqueness - I can’t relate to anyone. What do you mean? They don’t
understand. They dress like WHAT? They don’t have my lifestyle. No job?
Homeless?
Control - My gambling is not so bad. I’ll give you an allowance; I heard
some good ideas of that way you can’t overdo.
Ways to control what I spend.
These are just a few examples of an addict’s resistance and mis-steps by
those who enable the addictive behavior. There are many more, and I’m sure
you can add to the list.
Connie Hillman is Program Director at Addictions Counseling in Phoenix, AZ.
Thank you to our reader from Michigan, for her contribution toward printing
costs for the Newsletter.