Spiritually Fit

Let go and let GOD; this is my way of life. I knew when I first came to GA I would be a member for life. I gambled compulsively for 6 long miserable years. I lost my bank account, my faith in God, my home, my job(s), my furniture, my clothes, my boat, my jewelry, my truck, my motorcycle. I lost ALL my personal belongings, including photos that can never be replaced, my 3 pets, my teaching license, a second fortune from my grandmother’s estate, my self respect, and I nearly lost my family and freedom–due to the insanity that comes with gambling.

I have been in recovery for almost a year. My home GA meeting plans a celebration for my one year birthday. The love and unity that I feel with the other members has helped me love myself. Forgive myself.

My life now is full of love, peace, hope and happiness. Yes, I am on probation for 2 years, for my legal issues caused directly by my gambling. Yes, I had to tell my boss at a job I love that I am on probation and a compulsive gambler in recovery. I have been humbled, but not humiliated, by my experiences since I came to GA.

When I used to go out at 2 a.m. in the morning I never gave a second thought to the fact that my son was in the house alone. When I didn’t show up to get him off to school, I always had an excuse. I remember stealing his money from his wallet to go gamble. He had around $300 from his birthday. I remember going to HIS bank account after mine was drained and cleaning it out.

He had around $5,000 in there. I put most of it in there, so I justified stealing it. I would win it back, and he would never miss it. He would never need to know. It didn’t work out that way at all, of course.

I have since paid him back. I will always remember the indecent, degenerate nature of my actions when I was gambling. I will never forget how hard it was to just live each day. I will never forget how my manipulating, scheming and lying always seemed to work, to get me more cash to gamble, one last time.

Because of the GA program I can honestly say I am happy. I am satisfied. I am grateful. I have a future. I have found an unconditional love that is unlike anything I could have ever dreamed of feeling on this earth. I am spiritually fit and just plain loving life. I work the 12 steps. I read my Combo Book, and "A Day At A Time" every day. I use the telephone list. I attend meetings 3 hours a week. I LET GO AND LET GOD and it works. I live in peace one day at a time. Thank you GA for saving my life.  .............................. Jody R., AZ.

STEP 9 – MADE DIRECT AMENDS TO SUCH PEOPLE WHEREVER POSSIBLE,  EXCEPT  WHEN TO DO SO WOULD INJURE THEM OR OTHERS.

 

Step Nine - Discipline
 

An effective recovery program is jam-packed with writing, all kinds of writing! When we reach Step 9, we make use of another of those lists we’ve written–our Step 8 list of the persons and institutions we owe amends to.

 

Many compulsive gamblers start on making amends long before they reach Step 9 when formally working the Recovery Steps. The amends we start on as soon as possible are usually of the financial variety. Some of the money-grubbing shenanigans we’ve engaged in were so blatantly wrong, they seem to be lit up with a bright, flashing neon sign, "Amends Owed Here."

 

By the time we reach this step, an ongoing program of recovery has produced a ton of positive change, in our lives and in our character. We have become capable of recognizing the painful fact that we harmed people in many ways other than financial. A common realization among folks at GA meetings is that they robbed family and/or employers of time.

Part of making the "direct amends" Step 9 requires is replacing what was lost in kind. Amends for stolen time can’t be made with money. Often, the appropriate means of making amends requires careful thought; sometimes we must devise downright ingenious ways to demonstrate our genuine regret and our desire to make things right. Sometimes, all we can do is apologize– and mean it.

 

Discipline attaches to working this step for at least two reasons. One is quite obvious; following through on a debt repayment plan–usually over a period of years, sometimes over a lifetime–requires discipline. Another important goal that typically requires time is regaining the trust of spouse, children, boss, friends.... How does one makes amends for being untrustworthy?

 

By becoming trustworthy, of course. But be prepared for some frustration. You will know that you can, once again, be trusted well before the people you harmed regain their confidence in your integrity. Discipline yourself to be honest and dependable; develop qualities that foster trust and make them habit. Replace your old, harmful habits with new, positive habits.

 

A second requirement for discipline in making amends demands self-honesty and discernment, as well. Step 9 tells us to make amends "wherever possible," but it contains a qualifier: "except when to do so would injure them or others." So often, we addicts, of whatever variety, are such all-or-nothing people! If we’re going to make amends, we want to make amends for every transgression, darn it! Well ... sometimes we just can’t.

 

AA’s "Big Book" uses the example of infidelity to illustrate a situation where making amends would heap on additional harm. Perhaps you will find some other situation in your life where making amends would cause further harm. In any case, if such a situation exists, we have no choice but to discipline ourselves to accept the fact that we cannot make amends, no matter how much we wish we could.

 

Self-honesty and discernment are mentioned above. Be rigorously honest with yourself to avoid using "more harm" as an excuse. Do your best to discern any self-deceit that may motivate you to falsely label a situation to avoid an unpleasant encounter or other negative scenario.

 

Making amends sometimes resembles swallowing nasty tasting medicine, but it is medicine that accomplishes a lot of healing. Disciplining oneself to work Step 9 effectively goes far in providing self-respect and self-esteem that has been sadly lacking for so long.

                                                               ..................................................Betty C., AZ

Defining Recovery  

by Joanna Franklin, MS NCGC II

The word recovery has more definitions than I can count. Every time I think I have just the right "new" definition for recovery, I hear a newer one from someone who shares from personal experience. Recovery for the main road women in Gamblers Anonymous includes the comfort of support from those with the same concerns: the relief that comes from identification and understanding you are not alone, "that woman just told my story and that one too."

G.A. has come to represent so many elements of recovery it is easy to think this must be the best way to find, to work and enjoy real recovery. In 1979, when I began working with gamblers and their families, we were the first state that funded treatment program for gamblers. We saw women present for care for the first time. (The only other gambling treatment program, in Brecksville, Ohio, was for veterans.)

We saw teens and we saw people from other cultures. We saw lots of gambling problems that seemed very much the same. "I have lost all or almost all of my money, behind on the bills, family is angry/hurt, has left or is about to leave. I may be arrested, may lose my job and my home ...." The problems were so similar from one gambler to the next we mistakenly thought that we could help all our clients with the same package of tools. 

First, we would assess and get a good clear picture of all the problems, prioritize what to do first, second and third and then get the gambler to a G.A. meeting and the family to GamAnon. We would offer support, understanding, acceptance, problem solving and solutions to the reality issues one step at a time, as they worked the 12 steps one day at a time. Well, who could ask for more?  It sounds simple and straight forward enough. Clearly a system that works and works well for those who take advantage of the structure of and help available in the program.

That would have been the beginning and end of creative clinical care for gamblers and their families, but for a handful of women gamblers who said, No. "No? What do you mean, no?" "I don't want to go to those meetings." We, in fact, found many women who were more than uncomfortable in the male dominated G.A. meetings in our area. We had only two meetings in the area and no women attending way back then. I pushed, I urged, I prodded, I encouraged, I ordered, I pleaded, I tried to "sell" the idea of going to a meeting as best I could; and though many did try meetings, many did not. 

In the next issue of WHW (August 2005), Joanna will share about the solutions she and her colleagues developed for this "new kind of client."