A GIFT AND A MIRACLE
As I write this, I have 18 months and 8 days, and that's a
gift and a miracle. Never in my life, never, have I stuck with anything. But I do know I
will die if I don't stay with the GA program.
I started gambling 20 years ago at the poker tables in Lake Tahoe ... never got up for 2 days! What was my first clue? I lived in Tahoe for 12 years. Came into an insurance claim for a car accident, 50 grand, and started playing 2-4 Texas hold-'em, and ended up playing 20-40 everyday, until all that ran out.
Then I went to work as a nurse and never had a paycheck. Gambled them before I received them. I was able to borrow from poker buddies. Then I moved back home to Palm Springs, Calif., and they had one casino about 20 miles away. There I stayed for 4 days.
Then I lost my soul and my children ... was never there for them. My husband was a drunk, so it was easy to be out there. Then all of a sudden there were 3 more casinos built, so 4 within 22 miles that I could go to in a flash.
Well, I gambled my wedding ring away at the table, and all my grandmother's jewelry too. I stole my mom's credit card ... put 4 thousand on it. And then I hit the big one, the one we all dreamed about. Tens of thousands on a 1-dollar slot machine. So then I went to San Diego and played no limit hold-'em. I was playing with the big boys, 4 thousand a hand. Me, the big shot. It was never enough.
It took me 2 years, but I lost it all. And then some. Wrote bad checks, used loan sharks and still wanted that rush. Never knew how to cash out, never knew where the cashier was. So last, but not least, I took from my very own daughter, from her credit card. She was screaming at me. "Get out of my room ... No, you can't have it ... Go get help!"
Well, I got down on my hands and knees at 6 am and said, "Please. I promise. I'll pay you back." I drove to the casino at 100 mph and lost what my daughter had given me in 10 minutes. A friend in the casino looked at me, and I asked if he would loan me $100.00.
He said, "Judy, you need help bad. Go to GA." He was a dealer.
So next night, June 21, I went to GA and never left. Did 90 meetings in 90 days. Had to - I was used to gambling every single day.
All I know is today I love life and life loves me. What a gift. Started a meeting on Sundays, with 2 people. Now we're 10 or 12, or sometimes 5. But 2 make a meeting, so whoever shows up, I'm there for them. It feels great to give back what I got and am getting every day.
- I'm a winner today; the losers are still out there. It's great to care and have peace and serenity. Don't have to worry who I owe and who I don't! Luv and God bless to you.................................Jude, CA
For those of
you who knew her, but especially those who did not, Belle S. passed away Sunday December
17, 2000.She celebrated 36 years without a bet as a faithful member of Gamblers Anonymous. Because she was quite ill these last few years, she could not attend meetings and was mostly bedridden after suffering from a stroke.
I knew her well because she was "one of us." She was a card player before she came to Gamblers Anonymous, and I identified with her story.
But the first time I heard the whole story was at the first meeting of the "Monthly Women's" group that still meets regularly. There was a magic in that room of 15 GA sisters, and Belle's candid sharing made that possible.
No. She did not start that meeting. She wouldn't have. She was from the old school and for the most part played it safe and probably thought the coed meetings were enough. But her openness at that meeting gave those of us who were there the inspiration to continue with a women's meeting to continue to take our sisters in GA by the hand and give to them what had been given us that special day in 1991.
- I believe her longevity in this fellowship was due in large part to her participation in and service to Gamblers Anonymous. I pray for her soul to know real peace, and I hope to be an example of service to GA, as Belle was for the 30 years before her illness. She served as a meeting secretary, on the Board of Trustees, on the Board of regents, and gave continuous service at our local Intergroup in Los Angeles. She is missed.......... Linda M., CA
WORKING THE STEPS. Our Gamblers Anonymous
literature tells us we need to; our brothers and sisters tell us it works; we see and hear
the difference working the program makes in lives. But how? With whom?
My name is Sharon W. I have not placed a bet since July 31, 1989. Being an "old-timer" and a woman too, I am frequently asked by women in the greater Portland area about sponsorship, working the steps and other general questions. I am grateful not to have gambled since I found my way to GA, and I'm honored to share my experience, strength and hope with new members.
The first years of abstinence were hard for me. I went to lots of meetings, became involved with the GA fellowship, and made a lot of friends. Doing just this much, SAVED MY LIFE BY KEEPING ME HERE!
After about 5 years in the program, I began to realize I still had a heck of a lot of problems and issues in my life. I looked back to the 2nd part of
Step 1; MY LIFE WAS STILL UNMANAGEABLE. Financially, I was a mess—still couldn't pay my bills on time or balance a checkbook. I owed WAY too much on credit cards. Between seeing a therapist and talking with my GA friends, I figured out something had to change. Duh! —maybe it was time to work the program.
Now, I thought I had been working the program. I talked a great program. I understood the 12 Steps of Recovery and Unity. I had mentally or verbally done several of the Steps. One, a little 2, not much 3, no 4, 5, 6 or 7; some 8, 9, 10 & 11— and a lot of 12. I was "two-stepping"! Something was wrong and it was ME. I was not changing. I was holding onto those old character defects, along with my guilt, shame, low self-esteem, and the rest of the baggage. At the suggestion of my therapist and friends, I decided to work the 12 Steps of Recovery, in order starting with Step 1 and continuing until I finished with Step 12. Wow!
Some friends had started a discussion group and were going to start working the Steps together. I couldn't join their group, as they met on the night of my home group meeting. I had been lost without a home group before and didn't want to go there again, so I didn't join the group step study. I did buy the same workbook.
I started it by myself, but I had a couple of friends/mentors to talk with when I needed a boost or some direction. Or just a friend to listen. After I started the workbook, a person I was sponsoring joined me, and we worked much of it together. It took me over 2 years but I finished. It felt good—and bad. The good part, though, was actually doing the work, taking a real look at myself and feeling the relief when I had gotten through a rough part. The bad parts were temporary.
I had 2 very important realizations for myself when I worked my first 4th Step. I could not do a perfect 4th Step, and I will never be through working the Steps. These realizations helped me finish the 4th Step and the subsequent Steps.
When I was finished with Step 12, I must admit I took a little vacation. But when my friends finished their group study, I joined their group and we went on to work another 12 Step workbook............... Sharon W., Oregon
Will working the Steps with a
group be as rewarding for Sharon as her previous trip through the Recovery Steps? |