- "3 HOT CHECKS!"
- My name is Marilyn A. and I have been a compulsive gambler for 40 years. I went to Reno about every 3 months or so for many years. At first I thought I was a lucky girl and got on their VIP lists. I got comped at Boomtown. Friends loved me because I got rooms, food, and entertainment free. But, of course, it wasn't free! I paid with lost money and bad feelings at home. My husband is a former drug addict who went through his own program. I am glad to say he has been clean for 9 years.
I, on the other hand, thought I didn't have a problem and wouldn't let anyone tell me I did. Especially a former addict! Along came Indian gaming in California. I couldn't stay away from the casinos. My daughter lived about 1 ½ miles from one of them. How convenient for me! I took my big fall on a week-end when I was alone at the casino. I had run out of money, exhausted my bank account, and written 3 hot checks!
My husband was on Workman’s Comp. He had hurt himself, so I decided I could go to the casino because I took care of him and needed to relax! I never made back the money to cover those checks. I finally came to my senses, and my husband met me and we talked. I said, "I am a compulsive gambler." I have always tried to be a law abiding person, but I had broken the law.
- My husband was very kind, and we rolled pennies to pay the checks. I sought help with my problem at AA because I didn't know they had a GA in Rohnert Park. I attended AA for 2 months until my husband found GA on the internet. I am so grateful for my friends there, and I have realized I am not a bad person but a person with a problem. I just received my 6 months key-chain and am as proud as if I had won big in Reno. And I have the respect of my husband and my group............................................. Marilyn A., California
- CHANGES
- I believe in the steps. Without a doubt if I do not participate, I will not succeed. This has been proven to me as clearly as I proved that my gambling would never meet my expectations or fulfill my dreams.
I have recently started year 4 of my abstinence from gambling. In working the program, I have discovered that I was filled with FEAR. This knowledge is almost unbelievable to me, for I had no fear entering my first meeting. I am grateful that I know now that I was afraid. It sounds silly not to have known I was afraid, but I did not. I ran on automatic "fix it." The last paragraph on page 11 of the Combo Book describes the life I had when I was gambling compulsively.
I tried to fix people, places and things instead of my fears. Oh, I fixed many of my unsuccessful methods of communicating, listening and being of service long before I entered GA. But the fact is this was not enough and did not lessen my insecurity. I did not let go, did not believe in my self-worth, and did not honestly believe I was capable of realizing my dreams. The truth is that doubt is still with me on this last one.
I longed so deeply to be a part of a team. But I could never succeed in creating a win-win situation with loved ones. And this included my professional life also because my family was involved in the business. My employees did not have dreams similar to mine for themselves. I could not understand why others did not want more than they had. I judged other people’s ambitions based on my "strong inner urge to be a ‘big shot.’"
Year four and I am just now beginning to see my "Big Shot" stuff. The good news is that being a slow learner is sometimes beneficial to me. Today, I can look at my former behavior and see that life is not an ALL-OR-NOTHING thing. And, strangely, some of my big shot stuff made some things better for myself and others.
Today, I have genuine support to walk through my fears because I have forced myself to participate in GA. My reason for attending my first meeting was and is that I am committed to changing my life. I did not make a commitment to NEVER gamble again. I committed to CHANGE.
- Being a logical, practical business woman for more than 25 years, I rationalized that maybe someday I could be the old me with gambling. But, with this common sense approach simply to change, I am able to accept that I will never succeed unless I do things differently. Now that I have not gambled for over 3 years, I am considerably more comfortable with my ability to not gamble. Your friend in fellowship......................... Dee S., California
CLINICAL CORNER
Anger serves as a signal that something is wrong--either in the environment or within the individual. We may feel appropriately angry when we are hurt, when we are treated unfairly, and when our goals have been frustrated. Inappropriate anger, however, is a self-destructive emotion.
View anger as a continuum, with annoyance at one end and rage at the other. Findings from medical and psychological research suggest a connection between poor anger management skills and various physical problems including heart disease and stomach ulcers.
Women gamblers often report gambling when they feel frustrated and angry, so for continued abstinence from gambling, women gamblers in recovery must develop and practice good anger management skills. Keeping an Anger Log increases awareness of various aspects of one's anger. The Anger Log can then help a woman decide how best to manage anger in each situation.
First, on each occasion, rate your anger on a scale of 1 to 10, with 10 representing the most extreme feelings of anger. (As you review your log, if you find you frequently rate your anger at 9 or 10, you may need professional counseling to help you learn to manage your anger.) Next, note what triggered your anger. What is your anger about?
Anger often results from high expectations and judging others or oneself. In many cases the ‘shoulds,’ ‘musts,’ and ‘oughts’ drive anger. The woman in recovery may need to examine her thoughts and sometimes change the way she is thinking about a situation. Are you angry at another person? If so, you may reduce your anger by putting yourself in the other person's shoes and attempting to empathize with him or her. Tuning into your body and writing down the physical sensations you experience when you are angry provides you with more information about your anger. You may even want to ask for feedback from others regarding how you look when you are angry.
Each time you feel angry you have choices about what to do with your anger. You can stuff it by holding it in. You can avoid your feelings by escaping in front of a video poker machine. You can escalate it by yelling and screaming or acting out your anger in some destructive way.
- Fortunately, you also have the option of exercising one or more of three healthy choices. First, delaying your initial anger often leads to a more constructive outcome, allowing you time to calm down. Breathe deeply a few times, or walk around the block. Delay provides you with the opportunity to reflect and act constructively rather than react too quickly and inappropriately. Another healthy choice is utilizing the Serenity Prayer as you think about your anger; decide whether you can change the situation or not. If you decide you can impact the outcome, you may want to assert your thoughts and feelings in a respectful way or attempt to problem solve. Finally, if you decide the situation requires you to "let go" and do nothing, you can drain off your anger. Journaling about your feelings, taking a warm bath, exercising, or practicing some relaxation techniques represent activities that can provide outlets for your anger.
- Learning to manage anger empowers the woman in recovery. The development of anger management skills increases the ability to experience emotional intimacy with others. At the same time, managing anger contributes to our enjoyment of serenity in recovery..................................Katherine K. Wilson, Ph.D., NCGC
SPOTTY HUMOR
"It’s good for me. It helps me relax."
"I only gamble on weekends. It’s no different than taking a trip or going to a concert. The money is part of our entertainment budget."
"My husband never pays any attention to me. So what if I’ve lost some of our savings—he deserves it."
"It’s true I missed my granddaughter’s recital because I lost track of time at the casino. But she wouldn’t have noticed whether or not I was there anyway."
"Sure I’ve lost some money at the casino, but look at how much better life on the reservations has become for Native Americans! I’m helping put Indian kids through college."
"If I wasn’t gambling, I’d just be sitting in front of the TV. This way I get out of the house and meet people."And what’s your favorite rationalization?