Volume No. III, Issue No.5 May 2001
- CAGED WITHIN MYSELF
- I haven't placed a bet since 9/24/00. I never thought I had a gambling problem, until I blew my last $8,000 in 1 hour at a roulette table in Atlantic City, NJ. The croupier told me to go to bed.
The night was over for me. I was desperate, in search of cash. I had depleted 3 credit cards, hit the limit on my ATM, had no one to borrow from and felt like I was losing my mind. Caged within myself.
The next night, back on Long Island, NY I sat in my car and called the gamblers' hotline. I was directed to a meeting on Sunday night. I didn't go. I spent the next 2 weeks trying to recoup my losses.
OTB was the place for me. I was the only woman in the OTB parlor. I went in my fashionable work clothes, with my leather attache, and I lost like all the other losers there.
I began to look around me. The surroundings were pitiful. Ripped tickets strewn all over the floor, scratch sheets with tips that led to losses, sad and drawn faces. Retired men, guys on their way home from work, the FEDEX man. The only other woman there worked behind the counter. I learned how to bet, how to handicap. I left work early so that I could make the 7th race at Belmont. I raced through traffic, missed meals, barely made it to my 2nd job.
When I finally hit bottom, I hit the meeting. Sunday night, Northport, NY. I am the only woman there, with 20+ men. I never felt uncomfortable. After all, I was the only woman at the OTB. I shared, the guys listened.
It was a comment meeting up until 2 weeks ago, so I took a lot of heat from the guys, but I was accepted. I had a pressure group. I was pressured and loved, and today I have some money in my wallet and I pay my own way.
I gambled small and lost big. I lost my integrity. I lied, whether it was about OTB tickets; lotto tickets hidden in my car, in the garbage, under my clothes; or finding any way I could get to Atlantic City. I never stole money or committed a crime, but I lost my faith, trust and hope.
I am turning it around today, with help from my higher power and the guys. On the way home from the meeting I catch a glimpse of the pathetic plastic horse head that adorns the OTB parlor and I wonder how could I have ever gone in there, let alone befriend Charlie and Harry the Horse.
Thanks to GA I am alive today. I have hope. I have my integrity. By the way, it's nice
to know there are other women in GA, just not in NY!.................................................... Janet R., NY
If you're a GA woman in NY and would like to get in touch with Janet, please e-mail Marilyn or Betty or write to WHW, and we'll try to facilitate the connection! :)
I have attended 2 conferences in 2 months about seniors and gambling.
After looking at the ages of the women who contribute to WHW and those who attend our GA
rooms in Phoenix, AZ, I have reached a conclusion: What is good for women in recovery is
good for seniors in recovery. I asked 4 women aged 65 to 70 and a 58-year-old youngster, all in recovery in the Phoenix area, how they have succeeded. The time the women have in recovery ranges from 1 to 10 years. The following strategies have worked for them:
First, they all take part in GA.
Except for the woman with 10 years in recovery, who started a women's meeting 9 years ago, they all entered a GA hospitable to women. Some of the characteristics of these meetings are: sitting in a circle to encourage equality; speaking from one's seat in the circle; giving therapy related to an announced topic; letting the group respond to the 20 Questions; allowing the newcomer to keep track of her own answers to the 20 Questions; and the elimination of most profanity.
What else did they say worked for them?
They work the steps continuously. Over and over they said, "You can teach an old dog new tricks. I am willing to change, even at my age." They courageously explored the underlying issues that made them want to escape into the zone of gambling.
Several had entered private or group therapy while working the steps. One said, "[The counselor] said I was going to have to go back to my childhood. I didn't want to do that, but you know what, I did, and I healed some things that happened way back there.
They declared quietly that they have forgiven themselves. It takes courage to heal the distant past. It takes equal courage to forgive yourself for the damage to family and finances in the recent past.
They each have several groups they attend faithfully and talk about their "family" of GA or their "second family."
All have taken leadership roles in GA. Four have been secretaries of rooms; 1 is a past trustee and 1 is a current trustee. They cut cake, make coffee, make phone calls.
Has GA become their whole life?
All of them have found ways to fill the void left by gambling. Several of them are working in their late 60s and early 70s because their gambling losses require it. Other activities include: belly dancing; watercolor; returning to college to earn a long-desired degree; learning to use computers; photography; concerts; and short sightseeing trips.
The things they are doing for their recovery are not so different from what most are told to do. The difference is that in their "senior years" they are not saying, "I'm too old to change." They have the courage to do what it takes. And they are doing it!
In late June I will be attending a Think Tank in FL on seniors and gambling. If you are a senior (55 +) struggling with gambling addiction or in recovery, please tell me what you think might be helpful for those of us who gather in FL to know about seniors and gambling addiction.
I can be reached at pburns@azccg.org or Paula Burns, 2922 N. 7th Ave., Phoenix, AZ 85013.
BIG ROCKS
A while back I was reading about an expert on the subject of time management. One day this expert was speaking to a group of business students and, to drive home a point, he used an illustration those students will never forget.
As this man stood in front of the group of high-powered over-achievers, he said, "Okay, time for a quiz."
Then he pulled out a one-gallon, wide-mouthed mason jar and set it on a table in front of him.
Then he produced about a dozen fist-sized rocks and carefully placed them, one at a time, into the jar.
When the jar was filled to the top and no more rocks would fit inside, he asked, "Is this jar full?"
Everyone in the class said, "Yes."
Then he said, "Really?"
He reached under the table and pulled out a bucket of gravel. Then he dumped some gravel in and shook he jar, causing pieces of gravel to work themselves down into the spaces between the big rocks.
Then he asked the group once more, "Is the jar full?"
By this time the class was onto him. "Probably not," one of them answered. "Good!" he replied.
He reached under the table and brought out a bucket of sand. He started dumping the sand in, and it went into all the spaces left between the rocks and the gravel. Once more he asked the question, "Is this jar full?"
"No!" The class shouted.
Once again he said, "Good!" Then he grabbed a pitcher of water and began to pour it in until the jar was filled to the brim. Then he looked up at the class and asked, "What is the point of this illustration?"
One eager beaver raised his hand and said, "The point is that, no matter how full your schedule is, if you try really hard, you can always fit some more things into it!"
"No," the speaker replied, "that's not the point. The truth this illustration teaches us is: If you don't put the big rocks in first, you'll never get them in at all."
What are the 'big rocks' in your life? A project that YOU want to accomplish? Time with your loved ones? Your faith, your education, your finances? A cause? Teaching or mentoring others? Remember to put these BIG ROCKS in first, or you'll never get them in at all. ---
So, tonight or in the morning when you are reflecting on this short story, ask yourself this question: What are the "Big rocks" in my life? Then, put those things in your jar first. Spend time on those things that are important to you; the rest is just filler. Unknown