Volume No. IV, Issue No. 5 May 2002
Dear Marilyn,I attended the 2002 Conference in Harrison Hot Springs, Canada. Without focusing on the negative too much, I will share with you that I was disappointed that no one on this particular conference committee thought it necessary to schedule a Women's workshop. But, on the positive side, our resourceful women members did what they usually do and set up an impromptu women's meeting on Saturday night.
God bless these brave souls. One of the women wrote the pertinent information about the women's meeting on a G.A. bulletin board that was set up in the lobby. Someone felt it necessary to write "Where is the men's only meeting?" under that. We've heard this attitude before, but he did not get the last word; one of the San Diego women wrote beneath that "I guess it's wherever & whenever you start a men's only meeting." It may seem like silly bantering to some, but I was proud of her. I remember a time when I would have been totally intimidated by the "domineering majority" and felt that I could not speak up. This woman claimed her right to spread the word to women compulsive gamblers, and we are all empowered by her courage. I attended that meeting with about 22 other women—all with varying amounts of abstinence and recovery—and it was wonderful!!
On my way to Canada, I spent 2 nights in Seattle and attended a terrific G.A. meeting in Everett, Washington. Seven local women and my G.A. sister from Las Vegas and myself were among the 30 members in attendance. So as compulsive gambling continues to strike more women in society, it is comforting that Gamblers Anonymous is reaching them also. Thank you for hearing me, and keep up the good work.
Sincerely, Linda M., Gardena, CA
Addicted to Getting Well
I am a 33-year-old mother of 2, hoping that my story might help at least one person. Although my parents and family are avid gamblers, I cannot blame anything or anyone but myself for my compulsive gambling. I started like so many others, going to the casinos every now and then. When casinos opened a lot closer to home, I began spending more time gambling. I started lying to my family about my whereabouts and the amounts of money I was spending. I spent too much time away from my 2 small children and then bought them things trying to appease my guilt. I acquired credit cards my husband did not know about and, eventually, got us into a very bad financial state. Still none of this stopped me. I clearly remember walking out of the casino, hating myself and wishing I could die on the way home so it would all end. In fact, I actually drove home once through red traffic lights, hoping someone would smash into my car. I did not want to do anything about my problem, because then I could never go into a casino again. I gambled at least 5 times a week. When my husband went with me, I gave him money so he would go off and play and never see how much money I was losing. I lost my husband's respect and had no friends anymore, as I was always letting them down! This I could not bare.
I have a very good friend to thank for getting me onto the right path. We had not spoken for years, but she contacted me after going through hell herself. She is now a member of NA, and she told me about her recovery. I started confiding in her and eventually she convinced me to "come clean" with my family.
That evening—I don't know how it happened—I told all to my husband. He only looked at me, very hurt, and said that he knew what was happening but could do nothing. He said he was just waiting for it all to end, through a divorce and us losing everything, he thought. Telling him what I had been doing and seeing the look in his eyes was so hard, but the immense relief once it was all out in the open was huge! The next morning after I phoned my folks and told them, I contacted the help line and after speaking to that "angel" for over an hour, phoned Gamblers Anonymous and found out where the meetings were. I remember my first meeting, sitting outside of the centre, thinking of every reason I should not go inside. But I got out of my car and went into the meeting.
I burst into tears as I walked in, feeling so humiliated and hating myself. The people there were nothing but nice to me and made me feel comfortable and welcome. I truly thank every person there.
It has been 4 months since I gambled, and the first few months were very hard. One evening I begged my Mom to take me to a casino, but she eventually talked me out of it. I then made use of the "phone list" given to me at GA, and now I can say it has become so much easier. Phoning someone who knows what I am going through helped and still does. Not only did they help me stop gambling, slowly they are helping me to start liking who I am. In no way am I at the end of the road, but I now have become addicted to getting well and to becoming a better person. Although I have not gone into the "nitty gritty" details of how bad a person I became whilst gambling and what terrible things I did, believe you me, if you have thought about it, I did it and still hate myself for it; but the one thing I wake up feeling each day is that "today" I will try to make a difference. Since joining a small fellowship of GA members, my life has changed. The people have become almost family to me, and the self-confidence I was always lacking is slowly but surely developing. One cannot imagine how good it feels to be someone's supporter now and see people blossom once they get over the denial stages and really work on recovery.
- From the very bottom of my heart, I thank the family, friends, and GA members who have supported me through this time. Most of all I thank my husband, my 2 boys and my mother, who have never given up on me and continue to support and encourage me daily.............................................Kerryn, South Africa
When I came to GA 7 years ago, I was dead spiritually, emotionally, physically and financially. I remember telling the 6 people at my first meeting that I felt like my soul was black. Over the past years, as I have worked a program of recovery, I have healed in so many ways.
I am now a vital woman, constantly finding ways to continue the healing journey. My soul is no longer black, but a bright yellow, joyous and free. I know that I must continue to nourish my soul as I nourish my body.
In Vitamins for Your Soul, Traci Mullins and Ann Spangler say that the soul contains the unique essence of who we are, the capacity we have to experience meaning in life and in relationship with ourselves, others, and God. It provides the essential connectors to the world around us and to the one within us. Ultimately, the soul is our bridge to our Higher Power.
Unless we cultivate a healthy soul, we starve emotionally and spiritually. Finally, they say, "Just as our bodies need sustenance, rest, exercise, protection in order to thrive, our souls need refreshment and refueling, retreat and activity, attention and healing."
Following are some of the ways I have learned—through my brothers and sisters in the program, through reading, and through my Higher Power—to nourish my soul. l. Draw a picture of your soul. Then, think about what the colors, shapes, objects represent. Is your soul joyous and free or burdened?
2. Create a "God Box" by decorating a shoebox. When you have a problem, write it down and put it in the "God Box" and let go and let God.
3. Blueprint - Divide a piece of paper into 4 squares and label the squares with "physical," "mental," "spiritual" and "emotional." Close your eyes and walk into each room on a daily basis and think about whether you are nourishing each part of yourself on a daily basis. If not, make an attempt to "enter" each room on a daily basis and nourish that part of you.
4. Positive Affirmations - Create positive affirmations or get a positive affirmation book or tape. We are what we think!!!
5. Live an "attitude of gratitude." Write a thank you note.
6. Hug a tree, go to a botanical garden, let a butterfly land on your shoulder, or lay on the ground and feel the rhythm of the earth quiet your soul.
7. Become a loving parent to your inner child. Place a picture of yourself as a young child on your dresser and talk to that beautiful child. Let her know that you will love her, take care of her, and not do things to hurt her.
8. Spend time alone.
9. something for each of your senses at different times of the week—smell a rose; put body lotion in the refrigerator for a short time and feel the cool texture of lotion as you rub it on you; listen to a nature tape; taste the tanginess of a Sweettarts; look at pictures of beautiful, strong women in art pieces.
10.Listen to your body; use your intuition, your sixth sense, and take care.
- REMEMBER YOUR SOUL FOOD INCLUDES SOLITUDE AND REFLECTION, REST AND HEALING, PRAYER, AND LAUGHTER AND WONDER!!! ...........................Betty M., AZ