I am a single parent and devoted most of  the last 23 years to my children. But as they started to be less dependent on me, I found myself bored, lonesome and empty—conditions I escaped by sitting in front of the stupid slots. Not a care in the world. Praying to God to let me win and promising to leave if I did.

But of course I wasn't faithful to that promise. I have lost the trust and friendship of one of my sons and it is killing me. I can only pray that someday he can forgive me for the terrible things I've put on him and the lies I told.

I have been attending GA meetings and have just entered a treatment program here in Minneapolis. It meets Mon - Thurs. Although I am very grateful to GA, I think these daily treatment sessions will assist me in my recovery.

As part of working on recovery, I have searched the Internet for everything I can read about this illness. Sadly, while doing searches regarding problem gambling, on-line casinos come up. They are everywhere! It is a disaster just waiting to explode.

I am also angry at the State of MN for not putting more money into treatment programs. We currently have only one inpatient treatment program. This site was hit by a tornado last year and unfortunately hasn't been built back up to its original condition. They are in the process, but it takes time and money; they are seeking private donations. We do have a few outpatient programs.

As a result, clients often question: "What is counselling going to do for me? If my formative years have caused me to be as I am, what is the point of seeing a therapist? If I was neglected or abused as a child, knowing about that might help me better understand my behaviour now, but it can’t change the past. If I wasn’t loved, I wasn’t loved; there is no hope for me."

From both my personal experiences and my experience as a counsellor, I have come to believe this is not the case. I believe that each individual possesses an inner desire, an urge, a compulsion to achieve self-realization--to become all that is possible. It may be called a quest for maturity, for independence, for self-actualization--but I do believe that desire exists in every one of us, and it is a strong and driving force.

The path is easier for those of us fortunate enough as children to fall into what Axline refers to as a "rich and fertile growing ground." Some begin life gifted with sun and rain and good rich earth--the permission to explore and develop and become ourselves with all our potential.

But what of those stunted seeds, those buds of life that had to face adversity from Day One? Who is to blame for the resulting personality who is now shy, insecure, self-centred, cruel, narcissistic, remote, psychopathic? If a woman now seeks out counselling as a result of problems, should she be chastised because those "adults" in her life, who should have nurtured her emotional and spiritual growth, did not do so? In all fairness, should she not be pitied as a victim of society?

I believe that growth is a spiralling process of change. It is relative, and it is dynamic. Every experience continues to change the focus and perspective of the individual. Your life itself generates constant evolution--change. Events acquire a greater or lesser degree of importance to you, given your attitudes, feelings, and thoughts of the moment.

Everything is relative, and the pattern that is life constantly shifts, reorganizes, changes. Your life is a kaleidoscope. Even as you look down through that tiny peephole upon the odd-shaped pieces of coloured glass, you and events in your life turn the tube, and the pattern shifts, changes, rearranges and becomes something quite new.

Although the tube already contains all the pieces of coloured glass, each a stable and unchanging entity, the pattern which the combined pieces make constantly shifts. As the different parts of the design touch, they create new, unique and sometimes unbelievably beautiful patterns.

Each of you has within you the "little bits of coloured glass" that your birth and your early upbringing placed into the tube; your life and your personality are structured by the organization of these "little bits." Yet your "pattern" is based on the fact that every thought, every attitude and every experience you have ever had contributes to the constant shape-shifting and change, in accordance with whatever is happening in your life today.

This constant change means that what happened to you yesterday, or when you were a young child, does not have the same meaning as when it happened. Your later life experiences have also affected the impact of the experience.

The dynamics of life are such that you are constantly changing in relation to the psychological and environmental forces that you have experienced, are experiencing, and will continue to experience. Repeated behaviours--seeming habits--may suddenly disappear into thin air when you no longer feel a need for them, or when you discover a more satisfying behaviour.

In counselling, that very same flexibility of personality and behaviour sometimes opens the door to admit the element of hope. With a therapist you trust, you can examine those early experiences and realize that none of them were absolutes.

When you become aware of the part that you can play in directing your own life, and when you accept the responsibility that goes with the freedom to do so, then you are able to effect change. Although the "little bits of coloured glass" are within you, you--and only you--have the power to control the kaleidoscope of your life and change the pattern.

The identity of the power women designate is relatively unimportant. The important element regarding a Power greater than oneself, is that the power is outside oneself. While many GA members choose to call their Higher Power "God," usually referring to the traditional Judeo-Christian God, others depend upon the supernatural being associated with another of the world's great religions. Some think of their Higher Power simply as "the Universe."

Still others prefer to depend upon a more tangible Power greater than themselves, perhaps the collective entity that is their home GA room or the Fellowship as a whole. Any of these concepts will work, as long as the woman believes her chosen Higher Power can empower her efforts to enjoy a restored life! The one indispensable element in a woman's quest to come to believe is open-mindedness.

Belief in eventual restoration accompanies one's hard won belief in a Higher Power. Our lives can be restored. To what? Step 2 in one recovery book reads, "... restored to wholeness." What a wonderful thought! GA's Step 2 addresses our "... way of thinking and living." Wholeness certainly requires a healthy way of thinking and living. Healthy outweighs the importance of "normal" any day of the week!

Sit in a GA meeting with 9 other members and one could probably collect 10 different definitions of "normal"! What is "normal"? It's a setting on the washing machine! When it comes to recovery, "normal" is synonymous with "healthy."

Step 2: "Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to a normal way of thinking and living." Do yourself a big favor. Anchor the foundation of your recovery in a belief in a Power greater than yourself!