Volume No. IV, Issue No. 11                                         November  2002

This evening, my GA anniversary, I sat down at my computer. Looking at the clock, I realized it was within 5 minutes of when I had placed my last quarter into a slot machine 5 years before. I wondered what had drawn me to my computer at that exact time, why plans to go out had been canceled, or why all three of my sons and my dog were not around. As the quiet surrounded me, I knew I was experiencing yet another miracle since coming to GA; my Higher Power had set some quiet time aside for me.

What better time to celebrate with you, my dear sisters, the beauty of recovery: the hope I saw in the very first GA room I walked into; the joyous heart of gratitude for all I have learned; the close connection I share with my Higher Power; serenity that now surrounds me like a warm, white bubble.

What did I want to say about recovery? After staring at the screen, I thought about a very powerful tool I have used—the tool of listening and jotting down statements on my yellow Combo Book, bits of wisdom from my brothers and sisters over the years, to be pulled out when I need them. Some call them cliches; I call them wisdom from a Higher Power, spoken through my brothers and sisters.

"We'll keep loving you until you love yourself." Had I not been loved unconditionally when I first came to GA, I don't know whether I would have survived. Thanks to all of you who loved me.

"I can't; He can; I think I'll let Him." This is how one sister views Steps 1, 2 and 3.

"The opposite of fear is faith." Once I believed my Higher Power was holding me, I didn't have to fear.

"I've learned how to live life on life's terms."

"GA is like the ER. We need immediate treatment. It's like we put ouch-less band-aids on each other while we're healing." I can still visualize a Snoopy band-aid across my heart, allowing time for the healing.

"It's the journey, not the destination." What a journey!

"We cannot change others—only ourselves." How many years I had spent trying to ‘fix' things!

"Nothing changes if nothing changes." "Don't let a thought rent space in your head." Thank you, my dear brother, now with us in spirit. What a positive influence you've been in my life.

"This is where I belong."

"I come to my meetings to get my medicine."

"As much as I hate what gambling did to me, I love what not gambling has done for me.

" It's a joyous life if I choose not to gamble.

"I play my tape at the end." This helps me remember very quickly the depths of despair I had reached due to gambling.

"Remain teachable." Our recovery is a journey.

Thank you to my brothers and sisters for their words of wisdom. In closing, might I share, "EACH OF US IS A MIRACLE!"..............................Love, Betty M., grateful, recovering compulsive gambler.

SETTING GOALS

My family accepted any and all addictions, providing you didn't get caught doing anything illegal. After gambling most of my life, continuously moving the boundaries of what I would do to gamble, I crossed that invisible line G.A. refers to.

I vividly remember placing a bet 40 + years ago. For my First Holy Communion I received several dollar bills in cards. My father thought it would be a great idea to teach me to play liars' poker. The better I got, the more attention I received from my father, grandfather and older male cousins; they now wanted my company as well as my "dollars," and I began to want their money, as well.

By the time I reached 17 my parents had divorced and both remarried to addicts. My sister had died from her drug addiction. I fell for the most wonderful man alive, as I perceived him. Most of his relatives worked at Wonderland Dog Track, and they liked me. I moved in with him, and Wonderland became our hangout.

Our life together also included card games and alcohol. I had added another addiction and thought I had a blissful life. I was happy, in love, full of trust and comfortable.

Then I became pregnant and alcohol made me sick. As my desire to spend every free moment at the dog track lessened, the relationship began to fall apart, even became violent. My trust—still a troubling issue—ended along with the relationship, and my gambling escalated.

I began to live for the action, the escape and, most of all, for the chaos I spent every waking hour creating. Manipulating, maneuvering, deceiving, and conning had some pitfalls, but these behaviors also brought some "power" into my life.

Over a period of 25 years or so, my gambling progressed and by 1999 included casinos, as well as dog tracks and card games. My bets increased with each Las Vegas visit. I lived in the Boston area, where Atlantic City was an easy "side trip," and I could bring my young son with me. I allowed him to bring a friend, and they hung out on the Boardwalk and played their own games.

Eventually, I married someone who liked to drink. Two people living in separate addictions—compromise worked well for both of us! My addiction was stronger than my husband's, but he coped with just about anything that made me "happy." He rationalized, "I would rather have Susan gambling than not have her at all," and I used this to my advantage.

We both worked lots of hours and saved lots of money—or so my husband believed. I worked as an executive secretary and bookkeeper, a great job for a compulsive gambler! My husband passed away in 1999, believing we had a 6-figure bank account. In reality, I was about to be arrested for embezzlement and had to borrow money for the funeral. I had arrived at my bottom.

I placed my last bet on 10/5/99 and came into G.A. on 2/8/00. I have refocused my life. With a lot of hard work and the help of the best clinician I have ever met, my life is on track. Today, I work in the gambling treatment field.

Most of my life I set goals beyond my reach, reinforcing chaos in my life, and creating the need to medicate to cover up my failures. Today, I can set attainable goals.....................................Susan D., South Carolina

The following is adapted from a list by Jules Taber, 1994.
GAMBLERS' IRRATIONAL THINKING

1. Gambling is an important activity.
2. Gambling is an easy way to earn money.
3. Those who don't gamble are stupid, slow or scared.
4. Dedicated gamblers are usually bright and creative.
5. Gambling is healthy recreation.
6. My gambling is under control.
7. I don't have to quit; I can just cut down and ration my gambling.
8. I can win it back.
9. I'm smart; I have a system to beat the odds.
10. People respect a heavy bettor.
11. Someday I'll score a really big win and quit with honor.
12. Gambling will be the solution to my problems.
13. Expensive presents will make up for past disappointments.
14. Gambling makes me feel better.
15. Money is my problem.
16. I will pay it back.
17. Borrowing to gamble is okay.
18. Stealing to gamble isn't really stealing.
19. The more money I have to gamble with the better my chances of winning.
20. Even if I only have a few bucks, I'm better off taking a shot.
21. Somebody will be there to bail me out if things go wrong.
22. If only I knew why I gamble, I could stop.
23. Will power is the answer.
24. I always win.
25. I'm a lucky person.
26. I can't stop.
27. Sometimes I think I am really 2 personalities.
28. Suicide will solve my problem.
29. I can't afford to pay for treatment or take time off from work to get help.
30. I have to make as much money as I can as quickly as I can.

I didn't consider the gambling addiction itself. I had virtually no clinical experience with it. I grew up in Chicago, and everyone gambled, including the kids. Even then, I saw that most people I knew had a problem with their gambling, but no one thought it to be all that serious. And problem gambling was never in the same category as drug abuse and alcoholism.

I've been in recovery for substance abuse for many years and had worked on getting my credentials as an addiction counselor. I wanted to give back, and I also wanted to work in the one area I knew about. I considered myself very knowledgeable in the field of addiction.

Working on the HelpLine soon taught me how prevalent gambling addiction is! Like so many others, I had been blind and ignorant to the danger and extent of this addiction. Now, assessing gamblers and referring them for help—knowing they may not get this information anywhere else—gives me a good feeling. I believe I've stayed at the HelpLine so long because of the work we do.

Every time you pick up a newspaper or magazine, every time you turn on a TV or radio, you see and hear about the drug and alcohol problem. Help exists around every corner for substance abuse, and that's wonderful—we certainly need it.

But now it's time to help the gambler. Not only gamblers, but their families and friends. The politicians, lawyers, doctors and therapists all call "The Problem Gamblers' HelpLine" too. They receive all types of information that, I repeat, they may not get anywhere else!

It took forever for society to recognize—not too long ago—that this country has a serious drug problem. Until the word gets out and individuals and society become educated about the seriousness of gambling addiction, gambling will take second place to drugs and alcohol, regarding treatment assistance. In reality, gambling needs equal concern and resources.

We can be grateful that some states are really doing quite a lot to help the gambler. We've come a long way, but there is still a long way to go. Until then I'll be here at the HelpLine plugging away, one call, one gambler at a time, trying to help them realize they can have their lives back. The help is out there; you just have to want it and ask for it.

Texas Council on Problem and Compulsive
Gambling 1-800-522-4700
Website: www.gamblinghelpline.org