The first time I was in GA . . .

 

My name is Doreen and I come from Paisley in Scotland. This is my second time through the doors of GA. The first time was about sixteen years ago. I came for about three or four months but left with the thought 'I can do this myself I do not need GA.' Things were fine for a while. I had no gambling problems and life was alright. Then it gradually crept in, bit by bit. I was back in the bingo halls playing bingo and slot machines with the latter coming more and more to the fore. There were times when I would be there first thing in the morning waiting for the arcade to open and not leaving till closing time. My mind was in a turmoil having to think up the excuses to tell my husband and my kids where I had been. Lies upon lies. It just went on and on. Then one day about seven years ago I just could not go on any longer, I was at a breaking point. I had just gambled all my wages in one slot machine and I had to do something about my gambling problem. I phoned the helpline and spoke to a member, Pat D, and got advice on what to do next. It took me the whole day to pluck up the courage to tell my partner and he certainly did not like what he was hearing. Telling him and other family members was really, really hard to do. The first time I was in GA my husband gave me a little support. But this time there was no support whatsoever. We could not communicate with each other so while I was trying to rebuild my life again we gradually drifted further and further apart.

Then about five years ago I decided to leave my husband. My kids were older and I hoped that they would understand. But I went about it the wrong way. I had no money and nowhere to stay and my youngest son decided he wanted nothing to do with me. You can’t imagine how I felt. Going back to gambling could have been easy but I realized that was not the answer. I moved in with my brother and things got gradually better but not with my younger son. But with the support of GA and other family members they give me the strength and hope that one day he will come back to me. I have met a lovely guy called Jim through going to GA and he means everything to me. He is always there for me and I have GA in my life every day. I have had a lot of ups and downs in my life especially this year with my health. But I just get up and get on with it. GA plays a big part in my life with all the special friends and the members at the Paisley Group and other meetings, who have helped me to stay gambling free 'A Day at a Time'. Thank you all for your help. Life is wonderful. I would like to thank you for letting me write my therapy for your magazine and I wish you all a happy gambling free life.

Love, Doreen from Scotland

    

A REQUEST FROM ENGLAND     

 

      Roslyn Corney, Professor of Psychology
      University of Greenwich
      Bronte Hall, Avery Hill Road London SE9 2UG, UK.
      Telephone +44 (0)208 331 8926
       Fax       +44 (0)208 331 8905   E-mail   r.h.corney@gre.ac.uk

I am conducting research on women who gamble on the internet, their experiences, stories and the impact on their lives. My main focus is to talk to women from the U.K (the study is funded by the Responsibility in Gambling Trust, a U.K. charity).  I am a researcher in the Department of Psychology and Counselling, University of Greenwich.   
If any woman would be interested in talking to me, either by email or by telephone, could they email me at R.H.Corney@gre.ac.uk.   All details will be kept totally confidential. I will write a report (but without names or identifying characteristics) which will be made available to the government and other interested groups.  Participants can also receive a copy if they wish.
 
I do hope women will take part.  I am having difficulty recruiting participants but it is so important that womens’ views and experiences are heard.  

Thanking you in advance,

 

Roslyn Corney

    

Compulsive Gambler,

The Silent Addiction, Part III

 

I had become so desperate that I decided to talk with one my husbands' friends whom I trusted, he recommended that I get in touch with the Employee’s Assistant Program. I made an appointment to talk with the EAP representative and he recommended that we do an intervention. I was nervous because I was afraid my husband would be angry with me. During the intervention, his EAP told him that he had two choices, go to treatment or be placed on suspension (he worked for the rail road and he was the conductor which meant that he had to be alert at all times), he decided to comply.

I received a call from his therapist recommending that I come in for a family session. I was angry, I didn’t need to see anyone, “the problem was being taken care of”, he was getting better and that’s all I wanted. His therapist told me that I needed help too, that living with my husband had affected me and they wanted to include me in his recovery. With a lot of hesitancy and anger I decided to go “one time” to get them off of my back. That was the beginning of my road to recovery. The treatment team recommended that I attend Gam-Anon the same night and location where my husband attended the GA meetings.  I agreed to do so because I could make sure that he was going to those meetings. My first meeting was not what I expected; I thought that I’d finally be able to talk about how angry I was, how he’d hurt me and maybe they’d help us with some of the bills we had. I was in for a big surprise. When it was my time to talk, I told them that I didn’t have time to sit in these meetings that I had more important things to do.

 

One of the ladies there turned to me and asked if I was tired of the stress and pain that I’d been experiencing, (I was stunned, how did she know)? She said that Gam-Anon had saved her life and if I were willing to take the suggestions they had, it would do the same for me. Begrudgingly, I sat and listened and I heard them tell my story and I knew that I was in the right place. After the meeting, my husband introduced me to his sponsor and several other GA members. One of the members talked to the both of us about meeting with the pressure relief representative to go over the bills we had and ways that we could get our life back in order. That was the beginning of a new life for us. Slowly, our relationship started to get better; we attended couple’s counseling, family group counseling and individual counseling. Because of these services and Gam-Anon I was able to relax and focus on myself. I was finally able to say “I'm a grateful recovering Gam-Anon”.

 

And, yes, it happened again, and I was just as devastated as I was the first time that I found out about my husband’s gambling. The difference though is that I still had the tools that I needed in order to not be conned, manipulated, coerced, or made to feel guilty for not letting him handle our finances. I knew that I had to take care of me and that I couldn’t control him which was the hardest part. The unfortunate part is that it’s true that this disease if chronic, progressive and fatal, his addiction was worse than I’d ever experienced. When I found out, I gave him an ultimatum, get help or I would leave him. I gave him a date that I’d leave, December 31st, and of course he didn’t take me seriously. On the 31st of December 1989, I packed everything into two u-haul trailers; friend’s trucks and my car and I left him. This was very hard to do because we had a beautiful home, three beautiful dogs that we’d raised from birth and we had to give them up for adoption. Using all of the money we had to move and store my furniture, I moved in with a friend and 6 months later I moved into a one bedroom apartment, it was so small that I couldn’t bring much of my belongings with me, but at least I had some peace knowing that I didn’t have to wonder if he would make it home with his pay check. Because he didn’t have a place to stay, he continued to live in our home until he was evicted. Needless to say, he lived with whomever he could until he was asked to leave.

In 2000 he was diagnosed with lung cancer, he had surgery and was told that they’d gotten all of the cancer, but that they needed to continue to monitor him, and because he was still in his addiction he never went back for check-ups. I eventually let him come back into my home in 2002, and in 2004 his gambling became worse. I knew that I’d made a mistake and was planning on telling him that he had to leave. The day that I made this decision was the day that our oldest daughter called me to tell me that they’d talked and he disclosed that he’d begun to see signs that the cancer was back. I was angry because I wasn’t willing to ask him to leave.

Our visit to the doctor proved that the cancer had returned and chemotherapy was recommended. For two years he battled two serious diseases and yes it was hard to watch him die because even though I was angry, I still loved him. Why did I love him? Because even though he was still in his addiction, he was a very good man and he once was a good husband and friend. My friend died April 13th 2006, but I didn’t die with him. I continue to attend Gam-Anon meetings and keep in touch with some of our old friends from GA and Gam-Anon and that is what kept me sane, that is what kept me from being the martyr or a victim. Today, My life is manageable and yes, I do miss him and it saddens me that he died without experiencing what the program has to offer, he died unhappy and estranged from his children, but I am thankful that I didn’t turn my back on him when he needed me the most.

Patricia W., Texas   (This is the final part of a three-part article from Patricia.)

 . . the most treatable untreated illness in our society . . .

 'Addiction at root of problem' is the title of an LTE in the 9/9 Calgary Herald that deals with a New National body that aims to educate the public. In this letter Raju Hajela says: "A massive effort is needed for not only public education, but also appropriate training of care providers that remains inadequate at present, together with assessment and treatment services. Addiction remains the most treatable untreated illness in our society that is the biggest contributor to mental health problems in individuals, their family members and communities across Canada."
 

One of our readers forwarded me some information about Mirapex, a product for people with restless legs syndrome and at the end of the ad there was a warning:  "Should you experience gambling, drinking or any other intense urges, call your doctor immediately."  Mirapex is also taken for Parkinson's Disease.

If you are taking this drug, heed the warning.

 

A Real and True Blessing
 

How could I ever begin to explain to a woman who is reaching out for help for the very first time what a blessing this addiction really is. If someone had told me that eleven (11) years ago, I would have said they were smoking something funny!

This month I celebrate eleven years in recovery from my gambling addiction. When I arrived at the door of the gambling treatment program and GA, I thought my life as I knew it was over. And, it was. My life today, is one that is celebrated each and every day as a woman in recovery.

I have become a certified gambling counselor and I work in a gambling treatment program in Connecticut. I have the opportunity to meet with compulsive gambling clients and assure them that they can repair their lives with hard work and commitment ...One-Day-at-a-Time.

I've also been given the opportunity to speak all over the United States on the topic of women in recovery from a gambling addiction. I've met a variety of folks in the treatment, prevention, research and industry field. Some of these folks have become very good friends of mine.

Then, I've had the chance to meet other women in recovery from all over the U.S. This past month, I met up with two of those women in New Mexico at a conference, Nita K. and Marilyn L. We hadn't seen each other in over three years and getting together was like we'd never been apart. Warm, wonderful women in recovery, working a program, talking the talk and walking the walk. It was just wonderful being with them. A real and true blessing.

I never could have imagined it............eleven years ago...............that my life would be better than it had ever been before. I thank God every day for my recovery, for the work I get to do, for the many wonderful folks I've met along the way and the comfort of knowing that other women can find it too........One-Day-at-a-Time.

With love, peace and serenity, Judith Niland from Connecticut
You can reach me at judith.niland@po.state.ct.us
 

Gripped by Gambling.  

I have a new website  www.grippedbygambling.com with information about my book. The site contains an autobiography with some photos of special times in my life. The book may be ordered from Amazon.com, and on-line books stores or directly from the publisher, Wheatmark.com/bookstore or call 1-888-934-0888 x3,  It may be ordered by the title, author or Isbn # 978-1-58736-770-0. Gifts Anon stores in Phoenix and Scottsdale are stocking the book.

Marilyn Lancelot , AZ    mslancelot@cox.net  

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