Volume No. I, Issue No. 10                                                                 October 17, 1999

 

DO I NEED A SPONSOR?
3^rd IN A SERIES OF 3 ARTICLES: Should I Be a Sponsor?

The GA Red Book (A New Beginning) calls sponsorship "caring at the highest level" (p. 56). The authors of our Program anticipated that recovery will progress to a point where we sponsor other people. We've probably all heard a respected, experienced GA member say something to the effect that "You've got to give it away to keep it." Sponsorship constitutes the ultimate in "giving it away" and provides the greatest rewards of "keeping it."

When I first began working the Program, the responsibility of someday sponsoring another member seemed overwhelming. I could barely keep my own act together! How could I help someone else get her act together? At the time, I had no idea that my Higher Power will help me every step of the way. If only I will ask. We form a partnership in my recovery. For the asking, my Senior Partner provides ample help in every aspect of my program, including guidance with my responsibilities as a sponsor.

Let's look at some reasons for choosing not to be a sponsor:

"It's too much responsibility!"

Sponsorship is a responsibility; but is it too much? One of the primary results of working a program is learning, or re-learning, to take responsibility for our actions and their consequences. Considering the progressive nature of recovery, does it make sense to stop when we've become capable of assuming responsibility for self? Or does the natural order of things seem to dictate that we assume additional responsibilities?

"I don't know how to be a sponsor!"

Do you have a sponsor? (If you don't, find one!) What techniques which achieved the desired effect has your sponsor employed? What has not worked in furthering your recovery? Example isn't the only way to learn either. A wealth of printed 12-Step material exists, and it includes tips on effective sponsorship and accounts of personal experiences regarding what does and does not work. Is there such a thing as a perfect sponsor? NO! In sponsorship, as in every other aspect of the Program, we are only required to do the best we can.

"I haven't worked all the Steps yet!"

Have you worked Steps One through Three? It takes awhile to effectively work these foundation steps, doesn't it? Could you continue to work on later steps while a sponsoree works on the ones you've been through once? If you apply yourself, by the time she needs help with a later step, you will have secured the ability to help her. And there is the added benefit of "jump-starting" your program if it has "stalled out"!

"I don't have TIME!"

"Recovery" must rank very high on a GA member's priority list. That's why we sometimes hear someone say, "It's a "selfish' program." Virtually nothing except Higher Power and family safety and well-being carries as much importance as working our programs. We sometimes need to re-examine and rearrange our priorities, but we do have time for something as critical as continuing in the natural progression of recovery.

Sponsorship forms a primary component in the continued growth, in both numbers and recovery, of our Fellowship. I'm thankful that someone was--and is--willing to sponsor me.

With her effort and wisdom, my sponsor helped me become a person with some recovery to share; am I not obligated to do the same for someone else?  --------------------Betty C.

"WHY DON'T YOU JUST STOP?"

My name is Elaine R., a compulsive gambler in Recovery with 1542 good clean days and counting. In the early days, just getting through a couple of hours was sometimes very hard. Most people say, "Why don't you just stop?" It's not that easy. Gambling controlled my life. I was a slave to it. It ruined my marriage and caused financial and emotional problems.

 

I believe that gambling can lead to "prison, insanity or death," I was insane. I couldn't think straight. I couldn't function as a mother, wife or family member. Gambling was more important than anything else. I almost went to jail for stealing to support my habit. (My mother bailed me out of that and now I wish she hadn't.) I tried to commit suicide. My survival amazes me. I never thought this could happen to me but it did. From starting at the bottom of the pit, I now work each day to recover from one of the most baffling, insidious, compulsive addictions.

When I first came to GA at age 22, I wasn't "as bad" as some of those people, so I went back out for more torture. On June 13, 1995, I finally admitted and accepted that I am a compulsive gambler. The first step, I was told, was the only one I had to get right, and the other eleven steps would follow. Since I have learned to accept my powerlessness, my life has changed. Meetings, the telephone list, and my sponsor make all the difference. Attendance at pinnings, conferences and other GA functions also contribute to my recovery. My true friends are in GA. I work the steps and, thanks to Nancy F., I found my Higher Power, "God, as I understand him."

My whole life has changed since I came to GA. I am a much better mother, grandmother, sister, friend, employee--a better person. GA gave me a better way of life, a new life. Today I am grateful to be alive. I have a pu rpose in life: to carry the message to the compulsive gambler who still suffers, whether she or he is a friend in the program or someone who hasn't found the program yet. Recovery provides peace, serenity, and hope. Gamblers Anonymous works, if you work it. "The elevator to Recovery is broken....please use the steps." .........Elaine R., PA

Literature for female gamblers
The female gamblers in Gamblers Anonymous are in need of a piece of literature to help us identify and understand our addiction. We have several women in AZ and in CA who have volunteered to assist in this project. I would like to have a booklet ready and be able to submit it for the agenda at the May 2000 conference in New York. We should have it completed by mid-January. If anyone has a suggestion on what would help the newcomer or the person already in the fellowship, to build a stronger program, please drop me a note. All suggestions will be considered. ........Marilyn L.

Survey to Include Women Gamblers

A look at the back of Sharing Recovery Through Gamblers Anonymous reveals that the three surveys were made 18 years ago. One of them included 4% women; another consisted of 71 males and 12 females. Things have changed! Men and women are gambling differently today and the purpose of the survey is to validate some of these changes as a basis for developing new ways to help gamblers begin their recovery.

Tom M., chairman of the GA Board of Trustees, reviewed the survey at the San Diego conference and saw no problem with it. He said he hoped we would get a cross section of people from different parts of the country, as well as at different levels of recovery.

If you would like to participate in the survey, please email me at pburns@azccg.org or write to 2922 N. 7th Ave. Phoenix, AZ 85013, and I will mail you a copy. ......Paula B.

CONFIDENCE AS OPPOSED TO EGO

 I had an enlightening and valuable conversation with my 23 year-old son a couple of weeks     ago. He has seldom asked me about GA, but the subject came up and I'm truly happy that it did. I have been in the program a year on September 21, 1999 and over this past year, my son noticed changes in my outward demeanor. His perception was that I have always been an extremely confident person and that I seem less confident and more unsure of my self lately. I asked him why he thought so, and the response I got was that I didn't appear to be as strong in my convictions or as outspoken in expressing them...(Don't ask me why he associated these traits with self-confidence...because we all know what that behavior truly is about.)

My response came from the knowledge I have obtained in GA...and I said, "Rich, the difference today is that I don't have the need to show my confidence on the outside...it has gone internal where it really belongs. I am more confident today than I have been in a very long time. Sometimes what you saw were my insecurities raising their ugly heads in the form of false confidence and an overabundance of ego." He understood. Thank God.

It also gave me the opportunity to express to him that sometimes we appear to "know it all" so that others will not see our fear, our pain, our anxiety. I was good at it...today, it is unnecessary. .........Teri E., AZ