My name is Pat, and I’m a compulsive gambler. I placed my last bet August 10, 2001. I’m a recovering compulsive gambler and proud of it! Can I live my life and not gamble? Yes, I can! My recovery is too precious and means everything to me now. Gambling used to mean everything to me! But where did it get me? Knocked to the ground, landing on my knees. I couldn’t get up. I couldn’t work or even take care of my beloved cat, Rudy—let alone take care of myself. This insidious disease, which almost led me to final self-destruction, became my lover. At the end, nothing else mattered.

If I wasn’t gambling, you might as well forget it, I wasn’t functioning. I produced only daydreams about the next gambling spree and how I was going to find the money to get wherever I needed to go. I wasn’t working to provide money to feed the disease and could get in all kinds of trouble. This became a very scary prospect!

I gambled for 15 years or more. Despite the constant pleas from my daughter to search for help, I refused to admit I was powerless over gambling…that my life had become unmanageable. Why did it take so long? Gambling was a lot of action or I could escape…whatever I wanted it to be. It didn’t matter what my "game of choice" was at the moment, I always went to the extreme and most times came home broke.

It’s not about the money; that’s what the professionals teach you! That was a hard fact for me to grasp because for so many years all I dreamed about was the big win to recoup all the losses! It doesn’t matter how much I lost…I wasn’t going to get it back! During my treatment at the Trimeridian Custer Center in Indianapolis, I finally admitted to myself that the money lost was a pittance compared to what I really lost.

I lost my home, which I had worked so hard to buy and keep up; I lost the respect of my family and friends; I lost an employer’s trust; and, most importantly, I lost my self-respect—having to look in the mirror each day and detest the person who stared back. Who is this person? What happened to Pat? Where did she go?

The Custer Center experience saved my life. I stayed 30 days and didn’t really want to leave then. I truly loved Custer and respected the care I was receiving there. It had become such a safe haven. Life was easy inside those doors, but I knew when I stepped outside, the temptations would come rolling back trying to devour me.

But this time around, I was armed with my toolbox and prepared for the fight! The fight to not place a bet or switch to another addiction, which often happens! But the Custer Center prepared me well.

What I learned was immeasurable and truly provided the most wonderful experience of my life. I entered the Center ready for whatever they threw my way. I listened and did what I was told—for a change —because my prior life definitely had not worked.

I was very emotional the day I left Custer but joyous, unlike the day I arrived, all broken. What an awakening and release from a prison I had neatly constructed for myself. Life looked really beautiful again.

The Gamblers Anonymous Program presents two sets of 12 steps. It has been said that the 12 Recovery Steps represent how the Program works and the 12 Unity Steps are why the Program works. An understanding of the Unity Steps is extremely important as we progress in the Program, but an initial focus on the Recovery Steps is essential if we are to achieve the desired progress.

As we begin "working the program"—making that first commitment beyond simply attending meetings, giving our therapy and listening to that of others—some tools prove invaluable in helping us to understand ourselves and the disease we have in common. Meetings, of course, are a tool. The telephone list is a wonderful tool—if only we will use it! But above all else, a sponsor who has worked the steps herself constitutes the most valuable tool we need to carry in our figurative "toolbox."

Countless GA members who successfully "Follow the steps in [their] daily affairs" trumpet writing as an integral part of working a program. Faithful journaling has helped many women understand themselves, their motivations and even the underlying problems that led to compulsive gambling, and perhaps other addictions, as well. When we first come to GA, writing extensively on each of the Twenty Questions can provide insight we might never otherwise gain. And when we begin to actually work the steps, the same technique can help us get honest with ourselves and maneuver beyond any barriers that may stand in the way of recovery.

Each of the 12 Recovery Steps contains at least one key element, and an understanding of these elements enables us to get to the heart of a Step in our writing and in discussions with other GA members. Each woman in recovery will write from her own unique experience, but a brief look at the key elements in the Steps follows.

STEP 1: We need to explore as deeply as we possibly can just how powerless over gambling we were—and remain. And we need to identify all the circumstances, incidents and consequences that demonstrate just how unmanageable our lives became from gambling compulsively. Step 1 introduces us to HONESTY.

STEP 2: An important element of this Step is the first mention of the Higher Power concept. The first three words of the Step name another key element. It reads "Came to believe." We don’t have to come to the Program believing; we just need to be open-minded. Step 2 opens the door to HOPE.

STEP 3: Until addiction devastates us badly enough to force us to examine our lives, most of us operate according to our own will. The decision called for in this Step is to turn over that will, and the misguided life self-will has produced, to the care of a Higher Power. Step 3 requires a small step of FAITH.

STEP 4: Firmly established on the foundation of the first 3 Steps, we no longer have to dread that searching and fearless inventory. Step 4 both demands and builds COURAGE.

STEP 5: Admitting our transgressions to ourselves is critical, of course, but until we admit them to another human being, we still shoulder the terrible burden alone. It has been said that "we are as sick as the secrets we keep." With this step, we take a huge leap forward in our journey towards wholeness. Step 5 reclaims our lost INTEGRITY.

STEP 6: Ridding ourselves of character defects isn’t a one-woman job; in fact, we can’t do it alone. And we don’t have to! We only have to become entirely ready to "contract out" the removal job. Step 6 becomes less daunting when we supply the WILLINGNESS.

STEP 7: Asking for help of any kind has been the last thing many of us wanted to do. Now we not only are supposed to ask a Higher Power, but ask humbly to have our character defects removed. Step 7 teaches us HUMILITY.

STEP 8: Within a short time of coming to GA, we began to understand how much harm we had done. And we became willing to right our wrongs to the best of our ability. But we didn’t fully understand the extent of the harm we had done—to ourselves as well as others—until we had made a list. Step 8 fosters RESPONSIBILITY.

STEP 9: Until we have made direct amends, we haven’t completed our task. Completion results in a spiritual cleansing. However, if trying to make amends would injure them or others, we are instructed to forego atoning to those we have harmed. Step 9 necessitates DISCIPLINE.

STEP 10: If we could look into the hearts of the GA sisters and brothers we most admire, we would probably see that these are the people who have continued to take personal inventory. We have to be in it for the long haul if we want to enjoy the fruits of recovery for a lifetime. Step 10 exemplifies PERSEVERANCE.

STEP 11: As the Combo Book points out, the prayer and meditation we are encouraged to practice isn’t about religion. Praying only for knowledge of [our Higher Power’s] will for us won’t increase any degree of religiosity we may possess. Step 11 promotes ever-growing SPIRITUALITY.

STEP 12: If we practice these principles in all our affairs, we will begin to reap the rewards—tangible and intangible—of our efforts. A desire to carry this message to others will follow, quite naturally. As a respected GA woman frequently has been heard to say, "You’ve got to give it away to keep it!" Step 12 embodies SERVICE.

No woman—no human being—truly knows what tomorrow, next week or next year will bring. We like to think we control our own destiny, and when we learn that this is just not the case, the knowledge can cause discomfort, anxiety, even fear. With a Program, however, we can enjoy contentment, serenity and a confidence grounded in faith. The Recovery Program works.