Volume No. V, Issue No. 10                                         October 2003

A SUPPORT NETWORK

The writer of the following is a member of the WHW E-mail Network, and when Marilyn made the request, she generously allowed us to print this e-mail she sent to the Network in early September.

It is now 68 days for me of being gamble free, and it feels great. I am coming to realize more and more why I did it, but, more importantly, why I don't want to do it anymore. You see, I have spent my life taking care of everybody else.

Whether it was my choice or a damn good guilt trip, I got the job done and did it well. But inside I was hurting, angry and feeling used. One day I decided I was not going to do this anymore and started slowly pulling the carpet out underneath the feet of people in my life— children, mother—whom I had this relationship with.

As I pulled a little more, I felt more and more guilty (not that they helped at all - ha ha). But I felt a little more free each time. So I continued on down that path. But, in turn, I used gambling to escape from my guilt over standing up for myself. And since I was so used to feeling bad and being beat up, gambling fit right in for me.

Oddly enough, since I have stood up and done this with my family, life has changed for the positive, and my relationships with them actually have improved. I think, as far as my daughters go, it was hard for both sides to let go.

When I first found WHW on the internet, I was not sure if I wanted to admit things had gotten out of control. I also had this fear of being honest with others and being judged by you. However, since I have been a part of this network, my life has changed for the better. I feel better about myself; my relationship with my family is better; my partner and I are so much happier, and life is good. I still have a lot of stress going on, but this too shall pass. (The wedding is next week.)

What I have been trying to say throughout this email is thanks to all of you for being you. I have been blessed to come across this support group and thank God every day for putting you all in my life. I know some people in my life don't understand when I say I can't go gambling with them, because it is not a good thing for me to do. But I know several of you out there understand and will help me stay strong. Thank You, Thank You, Thank You for helping me save my life.                                                                           Lori M., CA

I have been in AA and NA for over 5 years and celebrated 4 years alcohol and cocaine free in May. The depths I sunk to in those addictions scare me, and I want help before I go there again. God has worked so many miracles in my life in overcoming those addictions, and here I jump right back in the pot.

I am so ashamed. I do not want to hurt anyone who loves me anymore. I put my loved ones through so much hell with the drugs, and I worried them so that I don't want to tell them about this ‘secret.' I just don't want to hurt anyone anymore.

But the insanity of it all is that I still want to gamble. Last night I wanted to go and gamble. But I have no money. I quit a job because all I did with the money was gamble. I would rather be very poor than to feed an addiction.

I had asked a social service agency I'm involved with to let me bring the money straight to them from work, and they told me I had to stop and get a money order. I still haven't made it to the store; the compulsion is so strong. It was easier to quit my job than to go and buy a money order.

I received a list of GA meetings in my state. I am close to a very large city, so I do have that advantage.

I strongly suspect that gambling is handled a little differently than chemical addictions. The people I talk to who are trained in chemical addictions counseling seem to have very little respect for this addiction. I don't think most people understand that gambling is as mind altering as any chemical I have put in my body.

I have never had a blackout with alcohol, but I feel like I have had them with gambling. All I remember is ‘waking up' when the money was gone and feeling so low and depressed that I could easily hurt myself. I am so glad to connect with someone. I have had no hope in a very long time.

There will come a day when I will no longer feel shame in this addiction; I know that because of being in AA and NA. I have faith that this is a process, and I will take the steps in the order they come. I found the courage this morning to talk to someone in my state about my problem, and then I called someone in my town. As I suspected, they are in AA; I, no doubt, know them or they know me.

My ‘high visibility' makes my anonymity even more difficult to protect, so finding a truly anonymous meeting may be impossible. But that may be exactly what I need. I have felt so alone and everyone I have corresponded with today has told me they are also in AA. So for the first time, in maybe a year, I once again feel the unity of spirit that AA had brought me in the beginning. What a miracle that is.

Many people in my other 12-step programs tell me how much I help them, and that makes me feel good. But when I realized I had fallen into another addiction, I worried that all I had to give was ‘tainted medicine.' I don't want to hurt anyone, so I hid from them. Thank you for helping me stop hiding. I am so hungry for this program today............................................................ Tracey F.

CONSCIOUS CONTACT: BRAIN, MIND AND ADDICTION

by Lori Rugle, Ph.D. Part 2 of 2

Last month we learned that the brain may be somewhat of a ‘villain' when it comes to addiction. The addiction equation also contains an element that can play the ‘hero': the mind. Certainly our physical brains set the baseline for mind. However, mind seems to have a choice in how it responds to the physiological boundaries established by our brains.

In addition to the results I spoke of previously, research studies are making it clear that other risk factors contribute. While genetic, neurobiological factors exist, they are not the only— perhaps not even the most significant—factors that place some of us at risk for developing addictions. Biological factors may provide less than 25% of the explanation for why one person becomes addicted and another doesn't. Clearly, other critical factors demand attention in order to understand the cause of addictive behaviors.

The brain can be touched and measured. With modern neuro-imaging techniques, we can even see pictures of the brain as it works.

What, however, is the mind? Where is it located? Does the mind "exist" in the brain? Is it only the sum of the brain's neurochemical impulses, or is it something more? I recently asked participants in a workshop I was facilitating to define ‘mind.'

After a significant silence, people talked about mind consisting of thoughts, ideas, memories, experiences, learning, images, feelings, beliefs. Then I asked, "If we took all of our thoughts, memories, experiences, feelings and just added them all up, would the sum of all these things equal ‘mind,' or would there still be something more?" Everyone agreed that we would also have to include our spirit, something that makes us unique and at the same time ties us all together.

These questions about mind are questions that scientists, philosophers and clergy have been debating for centuries. Our minds do make choices. We can choose meditation or prayer to manage sadness, anger, fear and loneliness; or we can chose to drink, drug, shop, eat or gamble trying to numb out these feelings. We can choose to exercise to help reduce stress, focus our attention and manage our feelings. We can use our minds to learn to accept the limitations of our brains and our bodies, and to learn loving and compassionate ways to manage our impulses, express our feelings and cope with stress and problems.

For some, making such healthy choices is extremely difficult because the biology of their brains works against them. These individuals may suffer from severe depression, attention deficit disorder, manic-depression, or disorders of impulse control. Certainly, to reduce the risk of using addictive substances or behaviors to self-medicate, the compassionate choice for some individuals may be appropriate medication.

However, it is important to recognize that medication helps the brain to function. While this may assist an individual to better utilize the mind, medication does not necessarily "heal" the mind or, by itself, stop addictive behavior. Ideally, the mind will be used to make healthy choices, not choosing to seek escape, euphoria, or relief via the quick fix of addiction.

At the same workshop I mentioned earlier, we also talked about how we can change the chemistry of our brains through activities such as relaxation, prayer, meditation, eating mindfully, exercising and such. When you take a few minutes to breathe deeply and slowly, your brain chemistry automatically changes, your brain waves change.

One person suggested that when a compulsive gambler is gambling she or he changes the brain in the same way, since many gamblers report that gambling relaxes them. While this may seem true on the surface, gambling and other addictive behaviors only provide the illusion of providing this type of relief. If we took a brain image of someone who was gambling and compared it to someone who was meditating, we would have vastly different pictures.

Addiction is about mindlessness; conversely, meditation, prayer, and relaxation are about mindfulness. Addiction is about forgetting who we are, and meditation is about remembering who we really are. About remembering that, when our true minds are ‘enabled,' the elements in the addiction equation are greater than the sum of their parts; each mind is a spark of a higher mind and a greater reality. If we accept our biology and use our minds to maintain this conscious contact, we can live mindfully, not turning to the illusory safety of addiction. Love and peace.

Lori Rugle, of Trimeridian, Inc. in Indianapolis, IN specializes in treating and understanding compulsive gambling.

Thanks to a reader in Arizona for her generous contribution toward mailing costs.