I am 46, separated, the mother of two sons, who are in early adult years.
I have been married twice, both ending in separation, divorce. I had a very successful career for 15 years, which provided nicely for myself and my sons. I was always very cautious with money and spent and saved it wisely.
It was after my second marriage that I became involved in gambling in a big way. I had played bingo on and off for several years, but never did I think I would get caught up in spending so much time and money gambling.
My life came to rock bottom in Feb/05, when I had no place to live, no money and no job. I attempted suicide and luckily I survived. I have hurt many people along the way but I would say mostly myself. I have been supported by group therapy at the psyche health centre, have been diagnosed with border- line personality disorder and am receiving counseling and medicine to help me have a better life.
I have not gambled since Feb 25/05, almost 6 months and it feels very good. I now have a job, just moved into my own place, and am planning to go back to school this month.
I still don't have much money, but what I do have is hope. There is the odd time that I have urges, but I find other ways to fill my time. I have not attended any GA meetings, but my intention is to if I feel it necessary.
I now have my power back, I am experiencing serenity, I deal with life one day at a time, and I have learned more about life and how to deal with it in the last 6 months than in the last 45 years.
I believe this may give a little hope for others with a gambling addiction.
Thank you for your web-site.
Elizabeth, Manitoba, Canada
THE PIECES OF COMPULSIVE GAMBLING
Bobbe McGinley, MA, CSAC, CCGC, NCGC
It is interesting when talking about the addiction of compulsive gambling, how some gamblers and their families and friends downplay or minimize the seriousness of the disorder and rationalize and minimize the seriousness of the effects on them. Some Health Care and Human Services Agencies are hesitant to look at the far reaching effects of gambling, minimizing any responsibility to the community.
This phenomenon is what maintains the hideous strength of this addiction, though several professionals in the health care field shout with me about the ramifications.
Many men and women have had the strength and courage to face this addiction and recognize that they would have to fight a good fight to arrest the behavior and achieve abstinence. As a counselor in the field, I’ve met many family members, partners, concerned friends, supervisors, employers, and neighbors who have invested hours, days, weeks, months, and years to their own recovery as a result of being impacted by someone they loved who became a compulsive gambler.
Several organizations in Arizona have dedicated years to learning more about the addiction, teaching others, and making sure those seeking help will always be able to find it. Gamblers Anonymous (GA) groups, which address this addiction to gambling, have gathered an incredible strength in Phoenix and surrounding cities. When plagued with an addiction and the debris caused by its strength, the person who is in pain rarely sees the Sun, and neither do those affected by the person in pain.
Strength in numbers is indeed what is occurring in GA, as groups are formed and grow and reach out to others through hot line calls, and cell phones, and beepers and pagers and e-mails.
Hopefully, through more public and community awareness, more employers are going to make referral calls for assistance and guidance, instead of firing employees; friends will set stronger boundaries and be willing to say no to the loan of a vehicle and/or money; education will become part of prevention in schools, so students can be aware of what may be happening in the home, and be able to take care of themselves.
Many pieces need to come together to provide a full picture about the Addiction to Gambling. It can begin with a question – "Where can I get help?" -- which is the beginning of reaching out and getting one’s needs met.
Step Ten–PERSEVERANCE
Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong, promptly admitted it.
Step 10 is a POWERFUL step! The first 3 steps provide a foundation to build our recovery upon, and in the 4th through 9th steps, we take action to accomplish the task of building. Why do I contend that Step 10 is so powerful? Two reasons, really. Number 10 is the first of the 3 steps that keep us growing and moving forward in a positive direction. And–now, this is what really puts the power in POWERFUL–Ten is Steps 4 through 9 all rolled up into one!
If we make Step 10 a daily habit, we cannot fail to maintain a healthy recovery in which, over the long haul, we will continue to change for the better. Let’s break it down to see why this step reinforces the good habits and continues the growth we have developed so far on our one day at a time journey in 12-step recovery.
"Continued to take personal inventory": We inventoried ourselves, character defects and all, in the 4th Step; we also learned that we need to share the results of our self-inventory with another person. Therefore Step 10 involves the behaviors we put into practice in Steps 4 and 5.
"... when we were wrong, promptly admitted it.": My experience has been that, way more often than not, I take that Step 5 action with the very person my daily inventory reveals that I have harmed. And it seems like, sooner or later, I often end up speaking of the incident at a meeting, with a roomful of fellow GA’s. Not because I believe this is necessary to work Step 10 effectively, but because in sharing experience, strength and hope with others, one just tends to "tell on" oneself every now and then. At least I do!
One doesn’t have to stretch the tiniest bit to infer that this 10th Step includes taking the same healing actions we took after our first lengthy inventory.
As in Step 4, a "searching and fearless" daily inventory will reveal negative character traits that need to be removed, with the help of a Power greater than ourselves. So a thorough Step 10 includes becoming ready to have defects of character removed and humbly asking God of our understanding to remove these shortcomings. In other words, we follow up on our Step 10 inventories with the same positive behaviors we applied in Steps 6 and 7.
It goes without saying that making amends when we harm someone will be our lifelong practice. Fortunately, Step 10 makes for a much shorter list of harms we’ve done than Step 4 produced! As time has passed and I’ve continued to follow the Recovery Steps in my daily affairs, the God of my understanding has worked a miracle of change in me. Step 10 resulted in lists of varying lengths in the beginning, and the lists have become shorter with time. Nights when nobody appears on the list at all have become quite frequent, and I know I didn’t become this "kinder, gentler" person on my own!
The action of taking our daily inventory produces the needed list of harms done. When we follow up with appropriate amends, we have–almost immediately–freed ourselves of the guilt associated with any negative behavior. We’ve removed the weight of harming another from our conscience, just as we did when we originally worked Steps 8 and 9.
- Step 10 isn’t some "magic bullet" that makes it okay to trample on other people’s feelings or employ shady tactics in our business dealings, because we’re going to take immediate steps to make up for it! Quite the contrary. A daily inventory and the succeeding actions constitute a great motivator to change one’s behavior and instill compassion and empathy for and consideration of the people with whom we interact. We eliminate the accumulation of "baggage"! Remember? That heavy load we spent years and years dragging around? We simply don’t have to do that anymore, and Step 10 is a big part of leading a baggage-free life. Betty C., AZ
also from other countries. These women share a common desire not to gamble. We offer our experience, strength and hope to each other, and YES!, sometimes advice, especially when it is requested.
- Publisher: Marilyn Lancelot mslancelot@aol.com
- Editor: Betty Campbell BettyRedux@aol.com
THE MINNESOTA GA CONFERENCE
WILL BE HELD
OCTOBER 28, 29, & 30TH
The intent of Women Helping Women is to support and educate women in recovery from a gambling addiction. The opinions offered by lay-people as well as professionals are based on their own experience and research and may not reflect the opinions of the editors.
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- We appreciate the ladies who have submitted
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- strength, and hope with our readers.