Almost from Day One, the GA Program encourages newcomers to acquire a temporary sponsor. GA literature indicates that 90 days in the Program--assuming abstinence, regular attendance at meetings, and sincere effort to work toward recovery--qualifies a member to sponsor a less experienced member. As a newcomer looks around at meetings, she shouldn't have difficulty identifying 2 or 3 potential temporary sponsors. A newcomer shouldn't be discouraged if circumstances force someone she asks to be her temporary sponsor to say, "I'm sorry, I can't do it." If a GA member's previous commitments make it impossible to devote enough time to a newcomer, responsibility dictates that the experienced member decline the request. Hopefully, she will be prepared with a few other names to suggest to the newcomer. Asking that question, "Will you be my temporary sponsor?" is hard enough without the feeling of rejection a newcomer in pain probably will have if she comes up empty on a request for a sponsor.

Why is it so hard for us to ask the above question? Many compulsive gamblers seem to share a common trait--difficulty in asking for help. Indeed, if you're anything like me, you had enormous difficulty even recognizing and then admitting to yourself that you needed any help from anyone. As I've gotten to know myself better through working our 12-Step Recovery Program, I've concluded that two primary realities contributed to my reluctance to seek help, even though I knew I desperately needed it.

The extent of the problem escaped me when I first came to GA, but I now understand that my self-esteem was almost non-existent at that time. I felt unworthy of anyone's time or effort to help me recover from my addiction. Who was I to be asking a woman to expend any of her valuable time on the likes of me? I was undeserving of another human being's efforts to help me. Did a person holding this opinion of herself need help? You'd better believe I did! But asking for the help I needed--a caring sponsor--was one of the hardest things I've ever done.

The other contributing factor in my reluctance to ask for help presents a paradox. On the self-esteem scale, I barely created a blip. At the same time, I allowed pride--make that false pride--to tie me in knots about asking for a sponsor. After all, I was BETTY, the sister among 4 who had effectively supported herself for 30 years! I went around being asked for help, not asking. I always managed to come through, too, whether I could afford it or not. My false pride involved more than a little "big-shotism," and acknowledging to myself that I needed help almost made me physically ill.

The most striking benefit of treatment for compulsive gambling is recovery. Treatment works! In focusing on women who are compulsive gamblers, it may be most appropriate for women to ask, "Why shouldn't I get treatment?" After all, it is 1999 and when professional treatment is available for someone who is suffering, why not take advantage of it?

One of the main reasons women avoid treatment is shame. The word shame has many meanings. For instance, many of us felt shame when we returned to our senses after a period of abstinence from gambling. The lies we told, the dishonesty we practiced, the irresponsibility.... Understandably, our behavior while gambling compulsively often created shame, but our program teaches us how to forgive ourselves.

A much more destructive type of shame can keep us from seeking help. This is the "toxic" shame that John Bradshaw and other mental health professionals have written about. Shame can sentence a woman to a lifetime of self-condemnation and misery. Shame that may very well not even be valid! Or shame that may rightfully belong to someone else. Shame that frequently makes women feel they "should have known better," or that they "don't deserve help."

Shame! It can be one of the "best" reasons for relapse. Treat-ment to reduce or eradicate shame is helpful. Self-help books on shame can be beneficial; of course, some women feel they don't deserve to have a decrease in shame. A woman's dawning belief that she deserves recovery is another benefit of treatment.

Women often need to have some assistance in learning and accepting that compulsive gambling is an illness. Women compulsive gamblers are sick, not bad. The behaviors that occur during active compulsive gambling are often inappropriate, but once the woman stops gambling, the inappropriate behaviors usually begin to disappear.

It is very important to use the intellect, versus feelings, in order to get help. The shameful feelings are all part of the illness, so making an intellectual decision is often necessary. More feelings will come along later.

Many times people will say it is a "cop out" to view compulsive gambling as an illness--that the gambler should feel shame. "Good guilt" when a person does something wrong motivates the person to avoid wrong behaviors. However, shame can be so overwhelming that it works just the opposite. Often shame is so painful that the woman wants to gamble more than ever to escape the negative self-image generated by shame.

Later, I went to bed at around 8 and the alarm woke me at 11:30 p.m., as it often did. I reached a Prescott casino at around 1 a.m. Sixteen hours or so later I left for home, every dollar I'd brought gone in the slots. And I had a wad of Comcheks stuffed in my pocket. But I had won a very classy coffee mug in the weekly slot "tournament"!